


Does Time Really Heal All Wounds? (Tell Me Because I Don't Know Anymore)

by FromThoughtsToInk



Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: All the time, Based on Personal Experiences, Everyday, F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jk a wild Tommi oliver showed up, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Protect trans kids, Spoilers, This is gonna be a wild ride guys, Trans!Tommi, Underage Drinking, buckle up buttercup, duh - Freeform, first archive fic, i love to suffer, this is also gonna be hella gay you guys, this shit is gonna be angsty, twenty four seven!, who fucking knows!!, will tommi oliver be in this??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2018-11-04 02:47:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10981755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromThoughtsToInk/pseuds/FromThoughtsToInk
Summary: "I do care! I fucking care! Is that what you wanted to hear?!" Trini screamed. Her whole body shaking as the words left her mouth. Her voice echoed off the walls of the Pit. Every emotion she had been holding for the last few months poured out, completely unfiltered. The hurt, the anger, the anxiety, the oh god please look at me was coming out in rage filled words. "Do you want to hear that the thought of losing you was worse than losing Billy? Or that you drive me fucking insane? That you were the first person to fucking notice me, and when you did I finally felt like I could breathe?!" She pushed her friend back, trying to put some distance between them. "Goddamn you for saying I don't fucking care. You don't get it." She was crying now, more out of fear than anger. The tightness in her chest that had could inside her had let go, leaving her hollow and empty. The last words slipped out quietly, she wasn't sure if Kim could hear. "I care and I'm too fucking selfish."OrTrini is given a warning and an impossible choice.





	1. Baggy Clothes and Shields of Fiber

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This fic is very personal to me, as some of the backstory is loosely or directly based off my real experiences, so for that purpose Trini doesn't speak fluent Spanish. I'm not trying to whitewash Trini, some of the scenes wouldn't make sense if she could speak fluent Spanish. If anyone has any suggestions as to what I can do to improve, hit me up. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Warning: Implied sexual assault aided by date rape drugs.

Not a lot of people understood why Trini wore such baggy clothes. Her usual answer ranged from they're comfortable to fuck off and mind your own business, but there were more than a few reasons as to why she choose to hide her body in such huge clothes.

A great example of this was her last night in Florida. Her aunts were throwing a huge party for the family. Her dad was promoted, and while she was glad for her father, part of her felt sick for wanting to stay. This wasn't the first time her dad had gotten promoted and they had to move, but she was too young to remember. When here brothers were born, they moved back to Florida. She remembered her dad getting another promotion, one he had wanted for a long time but would force Trini to leave school in the middle of third grade.

She remembered crying to her Titi, telling her she didn't want to move again.

She didn't move, instead her dad moved to California, alone. For two years her family was broken in two, and while other kids were talking about their parents getting divorced, Trini had to think about how she was the one who kept her parents apart.

He came back and they continued to live in Florida for another two years. Until another promotion. This time, the whole family was moving with him. She over heard her mom talking to her Lita over the phone, nights before her dad was going to tell them about the move.

"Mamá, no puedo vivir otros dos años sin mi marido."

She had to use Google translate to understand. This only cemented that feeling of guilt, that she caused this.

She was now getting ready in her cousin's room, the music pumping downstairs, and shouts of happy party-goers echoing up the hall. She sat awkwardly on the bed, watching everyone cram into front of the tiny vanity mirror. The makeup was a thick dust in the air, she could feel it settle in her lungs with every breath.

"Mami, put some real clothes on," one of her cousins said to her. Trini looked down at her clothes, nothing out of the ordinary, just a yellow t-shirt, her jacket, and a new pair of jeans. She didn't like the tight, skimpy outfits her cousins would pick out for her. Those felt like she was suffocating. "That's how it's suppose to feel," her oldest cousin, Chole, said, trying to brush her face with some concealer.

"I want to breathe," Trini pulled back, avoided the brush.

"Trinidad, no man wants a girl who looks like a twelve year old boy."

"I'm fourteen!" she yelled. "And maybe I don't want a man," she muttered under her breath.

No one heard her protest, or her small confession. Another cousin, enlisted by Chole, wrestled her into a skin tight tank top, and a pair of ripped skinny jeans. "Better," said Chole. The outfit was unbearably tight, like someone was sitting on her chest.

"Now that I've entertained you, can I change?"

There was a flutter around her as someone colored her lips red, someone else did her eyeliner, and another filled her eyebrows. "Do you guys know the meaning of consent, like damn, get off me!" Too late. She looked eighteen, at least that's what it looked like in the mirror. _Who the fuck is that?_ she thought. She wanted to put her beanie back on and use it to cover her face. if her mom caught even a glance of her, she was never going to hear the end of when she complained about makeup. Everyone ignored her and went back to getting ready for the house party, her cousins chattering away in rapid fire Spanish, too fast for Trini to catch never mind respond to. Forget the tight clothes and makeup, she always felt like an outsider at these family parties.

For starters, her mother was one of those Mexicans who forced themselves to assimilate, thus Trini was lacking in the language department. Once her mom told her the greatest mistake was not teaching her Spanish.

"No fucking shit."

This earned her a slap with a flip-flop from her Lita.

"Puedo disciplinar a mi hija," her mother said. She got her own hit with the flip-flop.

"Puedo disciplinar a mi hija," her Lita mocked.

Right now, in this memory, she was sitting awkwardly between her cousin Jorge, complete with his girlfriend in her lap, and her brothers playing with the Lego action figures they brought along. Awkwardly, she picked at the rips in her jeans, removing the little fibers that kept her jeans from looking like they lost a battle with a weedwacker. Anxiety was a bitch.

"Trini, come dance with us."

"No!" she shouted over the music. She stood up to get a soda, if there was any soda in the house. Being one of the youngest at these family gatherings usually ment drinking lukewarm water while everyone else sipped ice cold beers. Everyone over the age of thirty were outside, one of her uncles had a hog pit going and all the aunts were checking up on it. The younger crowd were in the living room dancing. It was like walking through syrup, bodies of people she was apparently related to but didn't really know and random friends who were dragged to the party pressed together.

"Hey sexy," someone behind her said.

_Definitely not talking to me. Where's the fucking cooler?_

"Hey, I'm talking to you."

Oh shit they were talking to her.

She turned around, glowering at whoever was talking to her. Hopefully it wasn't one of her cousins, that would be weird.

"I'm Alex." It wasn't anyone she recognized or anyone who felt vaguely familiar, so this wasn't as awkward as it could've been.

"Hi, Alex," she said as politely as possible. That's enough non-family male interaction for the year. _Maybe if mom sees this she won't talk to me about boyfriends for a while._

"You look great tonight," he said. He slicked his hair back, trying his best to look like a douche.

"Kay thanks," she responded. She turned around to look for the cooler again.

A hand grabbed her wrist. "Don't go just yet. What's your name?"

"I'm Fourteen Years Old, nice to meet you."

He grinned, "I didn't ask your age, bitch."

She forced her wrist out of his grip.

"You're definitely not getting my name now." She stepped back. "Who the fuck brought this tool here?" She yelled above the music, a couple people turned to see what was going on, only to shrug and go back to dancing.

"Hey man, leave her alone," a tall guy shoved him away from her. He seemed a little familiar, like a face from an old photograph, or maybe it because he looked like every other white boy.

Alex muttered some profanities under his breath, popping his collar, and stalking away to find another girl to harass.

"I'm sorry about Alex, he can come off a little too strong when he's drinking." The guy shyly rocked back on his heels. "I'm Jake by the way, Jorge brought us here but I think he's making out with Monica somewhere.

She nodded towards the couch where her brothers played. "I'm surprised they can breathe."

Jake shook his head. "That idiot needs to GET A ROOM!" he yelled at the couple, earning him the finger from her cousin. "Whatever, Jorge."

"So, I'm going to get a soda, I'm just gonna go now."

"Really, because that what I doing before Alex had to be a creep." He walked her to the cooler, opening it, "Pick your poison."

"I just wanted a Coke." Trini picked out a lukewarm can of cola from the now scummy water.

"Allow me," Jake said, pulling a cup from the cabinet. "You're Trini, right?"

"Yeah," she answered, a little surprised. A lot of people, some within her own family, called he DeeDee, so a perfect stranger getting right on the first try was pretty impressive. "How'd you know?"

He pointed to a framed picture hanging on the way, it showed three little boys in an inflatable pool. "I'm the one of the left. Jorge dragged me to your tenth birthday party."

That's why he seemed so familiar, he had been at a couple family events, usually as Jorge's plus one, or at least until he started going through girlfriends like tissue paper. She hadn't seen him in years. She turned back to say, "Well, that makes sense."

He had her can poured over ice, and he was now leaning back against the kitchen counter, pushing the soda into her hands. "Drink up, it's hot in here." He brought his glass close to clink them together. "Salud."

The cola tasted strange, like someone pour a bit of salt in it. Her face soured at the taste.

"Is something wrong?" Jake asked. He put his hand on her shoulder, a bit too close to her neck, but she easily shrugged it off.

"It just tastes weird," she answered.

His other hand was on her waist, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, please just, I don't like me being touched," Trini pushed him off again, stumbling back a bit. The taste of salt was still on her mouth, as well as bile building in the back of her throat. "I'm just going to sit down. Thanks again for the save."

Her head was reeling a bit, going a bit too fast for her to catch each passing thought. Normally very well balanced and coordinated, she was tripping over her own feet. Strong hands caught her t-shirt, pulling her forward. "Where you going?"

That's when she remembered Alex didn't smell like alcohol. And that she didn't ask for a cup.

She woke up to someone coming into the room that was used to store purses and jackets. "There's a chick in your bed."

"Shit, that's June's girl."

That was years ago. She still preferred baggy clothes, especially after her last few moves. She hid her body as well as she could, much to her mother's dismay.

"Why do you dress like a boy?"

Trini would shrug, pulling her beanie further down her face. _Maybe if I can't see her, she can't see me_ , she joked.

"¡Escucha mi! Do you know how embarrassing it is when someone asks me how my oldest son is doing?"

"two things, I don't remotely look like a boy, and I don't know, I don't have kids."

Her mother pulled the beanie off her head, using it to hit her forearm. "Look at me when I'm talking to you." She shoved the dirty hat back into her hands. "Put some real clothes on."

"I thought you would prefer is your daughter didn't look like a puta." She immediately flinched away, thinking her mom was going to hit her again. Lucky for her, she was too worked up in their argument to hit her with the spoon she was using.

"I rather have my daughter dress like a puta than her looking like her little brothers."

"Well it isn't my fault I'm short as fuck," she said under her breath. Her brother's obviously heard her, as they were giving each other knowing glances and little giggles. She gave them a glare to shut them up.

"Hurry, you don't want to be late for school."

Trini stomped up the steps, a little childish for a seventeen year old but when her mother is yelling at her like that there was really no other way to get the nonverbal last word. She threw herself on her bed, trying very, very hard not to freak the fuck out like she wanted to. Her room was still recovering from her encounter with Rita.

Pulling out her phone, she texted Zack. She smiled at the picture of her punching him in the face that was his contact.

**hey man, when are you getting here??? i need 2 get out of this house like now**

Even though Zack was her best friend, he wasn't the most reliable ride, she had to remind him all yesterday, and now he was late.

**Srry T, gotta go to work**

**don't miss me to much :D**

She resisted the urge to throw her phone across the room, it would just be just her luck if her phone broke her still healing wall.

Billy couldn't drive, and even if he could he would already be there by now.

Jason's truck was in the shop, and he usually biked to strengthen his fucked knee.

Trini herself didn't have a car.

That left Kimberly.

She scowled at her phone, if it it was its fault she had to ask Kim for a ride to school. It wasn't like she didn't want to ride with Kimberly. Goddamn it she really, really, really wanted to. But damn, she didn't want her to know that. She punched the message out, she was sure the screen would crack from the pressure: **Can you pick me up?**

The reply came in quick: **Z called be there in 5**

Well maybe Zack wasn't that much of a fuck up. **i need you in 1 piece so stop texting**

**I'm at a stop light so shut up I'm not stupid**

**debatable Hart**

She sighed, shoving her phone in her pocket, and grabbing her backpack. Waiting a moment, she took out her phone and reread the texts. Damn, she was crushing hard, and she knew it. She smiled at the playful bickering and sarcasm that had formed their friendship.  _Okay, Trini, stop being gay, and get ready._

Pulling of the screen from her window, she sat on the stoop of her roof, watching cars zoom by without a passing thought as to why a tiny teen was sitting on a roof. If Trini had to guess, it would be because so far Angel Grove has seen some weird shit, Goldar, Rita, Zack trying to dance, some kid on a roof wasn't that big of a deal. And if Rita's warning held water, more shit was coming their way. Trini shuddered at the thought.

They barely defeated Rita, if anything, they got lucky, insanely lucky. As the thought of their battle fluttered away, the familiar black hybrid pulled in her drive, and Kimberly Ann Hart stepped out. Her shades were perched on her head, and a cocky smile formed on her lips. God, even in her inner monologues, she had to say Kimberly Ann Hart, and not just Kimberly. Why? Trini didn't know, maybe it was because Kimberly's name felt like a spell, the magic words that got her hooked.

"Hey, Crazy Girl," she said. She patted the hood of the car, "You coming or what?"

Trini slid down the roof with ease, landing in a photo worthy pose. "If I have to." She walked as slowly as possible towards the car. "Why does it have to be Monday?" She opened the car door to find an few empty soda bottles lying around.

"You do realize you have a perfectly good door, right?"

"Yes, but life would be so boring wouldn't it." They stood in a slight awkward silence after that, both looking down for a second before Trini said. "Thanks for picking me up."

"Yeah, no problem." Kimberly walked to the driver door. "Don't forget we have training in the Pit tonight."

Trini let out the ugliest groan, pressing her head against the metal of the door. "I hate my life."

"No you don't, because I'm in it."

Trini made a face, "You think that, princess." She slammed the door shut. "Just remember, for every Kimberly Hart there's a Zack Taylor." The seat belt caught in her hands, jolting her a bit. "And that cancels out."

The engine turned over, the low rumbling vibrating the car. "Want breakfast to go?"

"As much as I'd love to, we're going to be late." Her stomach grumbled in protest. Why didn't she grab something downstairs? Maybe, Kim was right, if she used the front door rather than trying to be edgy and cool she could've got a snack at least.

"You sure about that?" Oh god, Kimberly heard that. Flushed with embarrassment, Trini just nodded. "Nerd," Kim whispered as she backed out of the driveway. From her parents' window, she could see her mother scowling at the fact Kimberly was the one that picked her up. "Why does your mom hate me again?" Kimberly asked, noticing the dirty looks pointed at her direction.

"I don't know. Hell, I'm still trying to figure out why she hates me."

Kimberly tousled her hair, a friendly "dude" kind of way. Even though Trini knew that, she still blushed. "She doesn't hate you."

"Okay, Dr. Hart, just get me to class."

They cruised down the street, Trini keeping her eyes on the passenger window, and not on the low cut shirt Kim happened to be wearing. Her pink bra peaked through the black shirt, and Trini could see her throat drying up. She sank into her baggy shirt, drawing on the window with her finger.

"Don't smudge my windows." Kim had leaned over and swatted her hand, eyes still on the road.

"Lady, I do what I want."

This earned her a raised eyebrow.

"When my mom says I can."

The rest of the car ride was filled with small talk, very unnecessary small talk. What they got on the last bio quiz (Trini got an 100, of course, Kim was jealous since she got a 94). Who was Zack texting these last few days (it obviously wasn't them or his mom). What they were doing in the Pit tonight (weapons training. Trini was itching to use her daggers on Zack). And the most important topic, prom.

"Anyone ask you yet?" Kimberly eased to a stop at the light, she turned to look at Trini.

She scoffed, "No, I'm batshit crazy."

"No, Zack is batshit crazy, you're just crazy. Besides." The light turned green. "Anyone would be lucky to have you as their date."

Trini scrunched up her face. "Thanks Kimmy. Has Jason asked you?"

Kimberly nearly slammed her foot on the brake, "Jason?" Trini nodded. "As in Jason Scott?"

"Yes, Red Ranger Jason. Mom Friend TM Jason. Oh my God it's Jason Lee Scott Jason."

Kimberly laughed. They just pulled into the school parking lot. The rest of the late comers were filing in as well. "No, I'm pretty sure he has his sights set on someone else."

Trini slams the car door with a little bit more force than necessary. "Watch it, T, I just had the driver's door replaced. I'm not made of money."

"Whatever, princess." Trini made a point to open the door and slam it shut again.

"That's it. After school, Starbucks. You're paying."

"It's a date." The words stumbled out, and Trini wished she could pluck them out of the air, put them back in her mouth, and swallow them. The butterflies that were only just fluttering about throughout the whole car ride were now angry killer bees, and wow bitch, they were coming for her.

Kim only flashed a grin. "A date then." She shouldered her backpack. "Come on, we're gonna be late," she said this is her imitation of Trini.

"I don't sound like that." Trini had to run a bit to catch up. God damn her short ass legs. She huffed a little breath, muttering about how just because she's the shortest and the youngest the other rangers shouldn't make fun of her.

The stragglers were already in class by the time they reached their lockers, which really annoyed Trini. While she wasn't early, she didn't like to be late. Kimberly had made the point of walking Trini to her locker, and Trini was painfully aware of those brown eyes watching her fumble with her combination. Was she always this awkward or did her brain stop functioning around Kimberly? After what felt like an entire journey through hell and back, she was finally ready for class.

"If you don't hurry, you'll be late too," Trini noted Kimberly's lack of books, just a nearly empty backpack.

"Who said I was going to class?" Kimberly gave her smirk. "I'll see you in biology, Crazy Girl."

Trini watched Kimberly saunter off, trying to figure out how to breathe.

As she walked into English, her teacher handed her a tardy slip. "Better luck next time, Ms. Gomez."

Baggy clothes were a shield for her now, one that she didn't think she could live without. She wore them so no one could see how breathless Kimberly Ann Hart left her. And so no one saw the marks of her past.


	2. Watched Clocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than the first chapter, but just as emotionally charged. Hope you enjoy, and thank you for the reviews.

A watched pot never boils.

Her Lita had once said something along those lines, probably because she was being annoying in the kitchen. She probably ended up on the wrong side of her chanclas for something stupid. Maybe that same logic applied to watched clocks, because it seemed that only seconds ticked by every time Trini turned her head to get look at the time."You got to be kidding me," she muttered. That this point she was thinking that maybe time was just going _Ha ha, fuck you in particular Trini Gomez_ because honestly this shit was just plain ridiculous. She slumped further into her desk. This class was completely unnecessary. If she's gonna spend most of her life fighting intergalactic threats, she didn't need to know why Achilles was being a little bitch.

The worse part of this class wasn't that it was boring, or that she didn't need this information, but that she was alone. Being the youngest ranger was not fun. All of her friends were seniors, and she was the only junior in the group, thus she was alone in most of her classes. Except biology. Thank God she moved around a lot in high school and different states was different standards for science because she was in a senior class and Kimberly was in it. She was grateful for the class because Kimberly was in, she told herself, no, she was just glad that she had a friend in at least one class. It was totally unfair. Billy and Jason had at three classes together. Zack, Jason, and Kimberly had two. Or at least they did when Zack actually went to class.

A hot spike made its way to her stomach, forcing her to clench her fists. No, Trinidad Isabella Gomez was not jealous of a pasty white boy. Or so she told herself.

She took a glance at clock. Maybe with all the inner monologuing the time flew by.

Okay, now she was sure that time was just fucking with her because not even a full minute had passed.

"Fuck me," she said. And then she realized twenty pairs of eyes on her. _Shit_.

"Care to add to the discussion, Ms. Gomez?"

Her face was red, she didn't need a mirror to tell her that. _Ave Maria, the question's on the board_. "Um, well, while the idea of Patroclus pretending to be Achilles seems like a good idea, they didn't plan ahead which lead to Hector killing Patroclus."

There was a short pause before Mr. Anderson gave the class a smile. "Yes, both men didn't plan for actual combat, and while Patroclus trained with Achilles, he didn't have his invulnerability."

He drew a line through Patroclus' name. At this point, Trini assumed it was safe to return to her busy schedule of not giving a damn, at least until she heard the words: "It was speculated that they weren't cousins as suggested by modern movies, but lovers."

_So this class got a bit more interesting._ Trini shifted in her seat, leaning forward.

"They were gay?" Ty asked from behind her. He gave a little snort.

"Actually it's closer to Achilles being bisexual, but for all intents and purposes, yes, they were gay."

"But isn't being gay like a new thing?" The girl who said that gave Trini a sideways glance.

_Okay, I'm about to fight to fight a bitch. Someone hold my beanie._

Zordon's words to not use their powers for personal gain replayed in her head over and over until she had her arms folded over she chest. She was gripping her sleeves so tight that she was surprised that she didn't rip them off.

_I am calm. These idiots can't bother me_ , she thought. Slowly, she relaxed, allowing herself to release her death grip on her jacket.

But of course, someone had to ruin it.

Having super hearing isn't all that it's cracked up to be, considering her parents loved to argue. To her, it seemed like a very useless power, but if Trini had to guess it was so that they could stay alert during battle. Even so, she shouldn't hear someone practically think, not even speak these words. Maybe the reason she caught this "amazing" sound bite was that she was small, powerful, and very gay.

"That's so fucking gross."

Trini stood up quickly, slamming her knee into her desk. First, she was glad that the desk didn't immediately break on contact. Then, she realized that yet again everyone was staring at her. And, that most teenagers would be in pain after nearly breaking a solid wood desk in half.

"Ow!" she gasped, though to her it wasn't very convincing.  _Jesus, if they buy this I'm going to become a nun._

"Is everything alright, Ms. Gomez?"

"Yeah, um, can I use the restroom?"

"Can you?"

A couple students snickered.  _Ha ha, get fucked._

Trini just stood there, embarrassed and flustered, aware that she was making a fool out of herself, more so than usual. "May I use the restroom?"

Mr. Anderson nodded and Trini escaped the room. _Did that really happen?_ She had to take a moment to collect her thoughts. Those little outburst have been getting worse and worse. She was once able to deal with just a few sarcastic comments muttered to herself, but she found her saying them louder. Intentionally. Maybe it was the new adrenaline rush that came with the powers. Maybe it was because, hey, it's probably time to officially come out of the closet. Maybe it was because she was so just so fucking tired. If she could, she would be hibernating in a cave until Ellen became president and outlawed straight people. Whatever it was, it needed to stop, sooner rather than later. Walking quickly, she made her way to the bathroom. Her skin felt feverish and her head dizzy, this was almost as bad as when her powers came in. She nearly took the door off its hinges, the screws barely keeping it to the wall.

_Get it together, Trini._

Very, very, _very_ carefully, she turned on faucet, and splashed cool water on her face.

Something strange happened. She looked up at her reflection, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Rita stalking towards her. She gasped, turning around quickly and got ready for a fight. No one was there. Water dripped from her face to the floor. Closing her eyes, she tried to clear her head. The scars on her chest began to burn.

She pressed her hand against them, feeling the beat of her heart under her skin. Rita was gone, backhanded, by her, into space, and she wasn't coming back. She'll stay rocketing into space, and hopefully go into the path of a burning sun.

Pressing her back against the wall, she slide down so she was huddle with her knees against her chest. "I'm okay," she whispered, "I'm okay."  _I'm not okay._ When did her life become such a mess?

Someone was coming. Two someones to be exact. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, a pathetic little girl. Ducking into the closest stall, Trini sat on the water tank, boots on the toilet seat.

"Can you believe that freak?" It was girl from her English class, some snotty, wannabe valley girl who's name is something common but spelled in some weird way to be "unique" (probably like EmmaLee or something.)

Trini held her breath, because she was sure that everyone on the damn planet could hear her.

"Of course she got all weird with the gay thing. Pass me a tissue."

"Trinidyke Gaycia," said the first one. The second giggled. They only stayed for a few moment more, probably to fix whatever flaws where in their makeup. The whole time Trini did not make a sound. She did not breathe, she did not blink, instead her lungs were stinging and her eyes shut tight.

The door slammed close, and the first of many shaky breaths were released. Dribbling, anxious tears streamed down her face. She used the back of her hand to wipe her face. This is why she refused to come out. A small voice in her head said,  _Everyone already knows._ No, they just fucking assume. Her mom was already on the verge of disowning her. The only people who knew probably only kept her around because she was a good laugh. And this, the small comments by her classmates. She was already a freak, everyone thought so, she didn't need another reason to be singled out.

"Trini?" She didn't hear the door open. It was Billy. He locked the door behind him. How he knew it was her, she didn't know. Perhaps it was that weird morphing grid connection.

"Go away." She kept crying.

"You're crying." His voice was quiet, that soft spoken demeanor that made him everyone around him want to protect him. Except for the assholes who didn't understand how rare such innocence was. "I don't want to leave you alone."

"I'm fine."

Billy was pacing, she could see his shadow, playing with his hands in a nervous fashion. "Ok-okay. Do you want me to get Kimberly or Jason? I would get Zack but he wasn't in class today. I know Kimberly is around, but she also wasn't in class either. Jason says she likes to skip class. I don't know why, but I mean, she always gets her homework done. I would like to skip class just once since it's like the coo-"

"Billy?" Trini unlocked the stall, she shut her eyes. She didn't want to see him look at her with pity.

"Yeah, Trini?"

"Thank you but I'm okay."

Billy gave her a hug. She was stiff at first, but slowly gave in and hugged him back. Billy does not like being touched so hugs were like Christmas presents. "Jason says that someone is upset, it is socially acceptable to give them a hug."

The hug was short, but Trini was grateful. "I better go. This is the girls' bathroom."

As they left, Trini caught a glimpse of her reflection, a warped image of herself with glowing green eyes.

 


	3. Seizures and Fever Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahahaha  
> Warning: Mentions of blood, implied PTSD

The rest of the day Trini calculated every moment down to the smallest, seemingly simplest actions. Every breath exactly six seconds in, held for seven seconds, and a four second exhale, every movement she made careful and precise, even her blinking was measured. Lunch was a torturous affair. Again, her schedule didn't allow for friends, so she sat alone. Lunch for Trini has always been an event of hyper vigilance, with no friends to help back her up if someone decided that just writing threats on her locker wasn't enough.

Spanish was okay. Pre-calculus was just a fucking drag. Now biology, the one class that she looked forward to since the start of the year, was not going to be fun.

"Hello? Earth to Trini, come in Trini?" Kimberly waved her hand in front of her face, giving her a goofy grin. Trini had been so focused on trying to remain in control of her actions and thoughts that she had stopped paying attention to everything, including Kimberly.  _Especially Kimberly._ The second she was within Trini's line of sight, Trini did everything she could to keep her friend from being a complication in her very meticulous plan of being careful and not obviously gay.

Trini looked up, eyes closed. "Yes, princess?" She opened them, only to regret her decision.  _Houston, we have a problem._

They were working on a handout, paired up by their teacher. Just her luck that she was partnered with the biggest distraction in the room. Just her luck that her biggest distraction smelled like vanilla and jasmine, or that she was so close, shoulder to shoulder, and that if Trini were to look up just an inch more they'd be nose to nose. "You're being weird." Kim took the pencil out of her hand and began twirling it between her fingers. Trini reached forward to grab, but Kimberly pulled it back at the last second.

"Give it back," she whined. She stomped her foot in frustration.

"You're such a child," Kimberly chuckled.

"Are you going to give it? I'm not done."

"Nope, too late. It's mine now." Kimberly smirked at her, that cocky grin that made Trini blush plastered on her face. "I really like the mechanical pencil, nerd."

It was her favorite pencil too, she put a rainbow sticker on it when she figured out she was gay. It was her lucky pencil. Trini reached again, missing it entirely. Her hand brushed by Kim's cheek, and a gasp caught in her throat.

"You can get this back when you tell me what's up." Kimberly leaned back, hands behind her head like she was just reclining at home.

"Seriously, Kim, give it now." She glanced at the clock.  _Oh now you want to go faster huh, fucker?_ This was beyond unfair considering now she only had about ten minutes to finish the worksheet whereas up until now she thought she had forever to finish it.

Kimberly shrugged. How could she pull off being so damn casual? "You heard my demands." She put the pencil to her lips.

Trini bit the inside of her cheek, eyes closed, and her expression pained. "I really don't want to talk it."

The pencil was back in her hand almost immediately. Kim was now leaning towards her, hand on Trini's. Trini pulled away at the contact. "I'm sorry, T, I didn't mean to push you."

Trini shrugged, trying to act as if it didn't matter. "It's whatever." She looked down at he worksheet, quickly penning the remaining answers. When she glanced at Kim's paper, she noticed her friend looking at her, brown eyes in an intense gaze. "What?" Trini noticed that her question sounded rather annoyed and angry.

"Trini, I'm really sorry. I'm hear if you want to talk." Kim's expression softened. She seemed hurt at her tone.

"I know, I know. Can we just finish this, please?" She couldn't meet her eyes. She felt like she was being interrogated.

Kimberly nodded, growing quiet.

Trini had to bite back to bile. Her ears were ringing, and her head felt like she gotten a few hits from a putty. She grabbed at her head. "I'm gonna be sick." She ran her fingers through her hair, her head pressed against the cool wood of her desk. There was a thready pulse coming from the beating in her head. 

Something brushed her arm. "You're burning up. Are you okay?"

There was cynical laughter as cold flooded her body. she felt something leaking from her nose. Blood. She was slumped forward, her eyes half closed, and her mind slipping in and out of consciousness. "Kim, what's going on?"

"Trini!" Someone yelled her name, and strong hands were on her shoulders. "Trini, can you hear me?"

She groaned, trying to sit up. "Bad idea." Her insides suddenly wanted to become part of her outsides. She began dry heaving, the taste of blood coating her tongue.

"Mrs. Darcy, call someone!"

She heard someone's heartbeat, a fast  _bump da-bump, bump da-bump_. "Trini, wake up." She was being rocked back and forth, a warm hand on her cheek. "Jason! Jason, help me!"

For a second, she felt weightless and cold. The air was sucked out of her lungs, ice crystals formed of her eyelashes.

"Hello, Yellow."

Cold, clammy hands held her face.  _No. No. No no no, please God no._ She struggled, thrashing with all her might, trying to break free. "Get off me!"

_"Drive faster!"_

_"It'll only slow us down if we get pulled over!"_

_"T_ rini, _I need you to calm down. Please."_ Whoever said that sounded like they were crying. Hot tears dripped onto her forehead, cutting through the cold.

Rita smiled at her, an evil glint in her eye. "We are going to be seeing a lot of each other." Her gold covered nails stroked her hair. Trini closed her eyes tight, and turned away. This was a hallucination, a dream, a nightmare, there was no way in hell that this was happening, yet here she was, within Rita's grasp, again. Rita closed her eyes, as if straining to hear the voices too. "Do you hear that?" Her sickly sweet smile growing wider with every word she heard.

 _"Zordon,_ _what's wrong with her? Why is she shaking like that? Oh God, why is she shaking like that?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Help her!"_

_"Kim, I'm trying, you need to calm down too."_

_"Don't tell me what to do, she's dying!"_

_"We are not going to let her die. You should come with me."_

_"Get off me, Zack!"_

_"Billy, help me get her out of here."_

Rita laughed, "I wonder if that is going to stay the same when I'm through with you." Her smirk was villainous.

"Let go of me!" Trini called out. Her voice cracked. She sounded so broken. "Rita!"

_"Did you hear that?"_

_"Did she say Rita?"_

_"Trini!"_

_"What's happening to her?"_

_"Did Rita touch her?"_

_"Are you fucking kidding me, you didn't the scars on her?"_

_"Mistress Kimberly, maybe you shou-"_

_"Shut up Alpha!"_

Rita patted her face. "Oh, do I have plans for you." She curled her fingers against Trini's face, scratching her again. The coppery smell of her own blood made her squirm.

_"Rita was known for creating psychic connections by scratching victims so she can mess with their minds. It works well if the contact is made close to their heart."_

"I'd love to see your face when I destroy everything you care about, and you knowing it is your fault." Rita drew an R on her cheek with her blood, bringing the bloodstained finger to her lips.

_"Rita is in her mind right now?"_

_"Yes, Trini has been compromised."_

"See you soon, Yellow." She blew Trini a kiss and waved her away.

Trini gasped, coughing and sputtering.

"Hey, Crazy Girl, I got you." Zack was behind her, supporting her body with his chest. "Welcome back." He sounded sad, his voice without the usual upbeat tone. He only sounded like that when he talked about his mom's illness.

Tears were ready to spill.  _No, I've cried enough today._ Her chest heaved, and she was struggling to breathe.

They were in the Pit. Kimberly must've taken her there, but right now it was just the two of them. She felt so small in his arms, like a child, it didn't help that she was on the edge of breaking down and crying.

He rocked her slowly. "I got you."

She shuddered, curling into a little ball.

"I can't breathe!" She clutched his coveralls, her grip creating gashes in the fabric. "I can't breathe!" She clawed at her throat, blood welling up under her fingernails.

"Shhhh, easy breaths. It's okay." He took her hands into his own, trying to keep her from hurting herself. She grew limp in his arms, so numb to what was happening.

"She's coming back," she cried out. "She-sh-" She covered her face with her hands. 

"I won't let her hurt you." Kimberly walked in, her hands in knuckle white fists. Her eyes were red, and her face grim.

"None of us will." Jason put a hand on Kim's shoulder. Billy nodded. Trini had to look away, turning closer into Zack. Though he was trying to make her feel safe, she felt more out of place. She was the weakest link, the outsider in a group of outsiders. She was a fucking fraud. She wasn't strong like Jason, or smart like Billy, or confident like Zack. She was a tiny, anxious, depressed mess. And now the thoughts and nightmares that have been plaguing her for years were out in the open.

Alpha came to collect her once it heard she was awake. Zack demanded that he come with her, supporting her was she took her first unsteady steps. It was slow, but they managed this slight three legged walk to the morphing grid. Zordon was ready, his usually emotionless face even more void of any expression.

"Why didn't you tell me that Rita attacked you?"

Zack lunged forward, obviously angered by Zordon blatant disregard for Trini's well being. "What the fuck! She didn't have to tell you shit after the way you've treated us."

"I'm okay, Zack."

"Like shit you are!" His suit started to form over his hands and arms.

"Zack, please?"

He backed off, though he was still glaring at the man in the wall.

"This is important. Rita can use this connection to hurt you and the other rangers."

Trini put her head down in shame. "I know."

"Perhaps you should take a leave of absence until we can get this figured out."

"What?!" Zack was red in the face. "If something were to come today, how would we fight. She's literally our right arm!"

"Maybe it's for the best," Trini said quietly. She tried to pull away from his embrace.

"T, this is bullshit!" Zack protested. He turned back to face Zordon. "If she goes, I go."

"They can't have two rangers out of commission," she tried to reason, but it was no use. Once Zack had an idea in his head it was very hard to convince him otherwise. "Be reasonable for once." She tugged on his arm. "Let's go back to the others."

Zack glared at Zordon, if he could he'd probably try to fight him, but the alien retreated back to wherever it was he went when he wasn't being wall dad. He scowled, muttering something about giving a royal ass whooping.

Everyone else was waiting in the Pit, and Trini knew they were talking about her, as soon as they entered. Kimberly was wiping her face with the back of her hand, only to streak some blood on her face, Trini's blood. Looking down at her own hands she saw blood, dried and crusted on her skin.

"How long was I out?" she asked. It felt like only a minute, but her blood was already crackling off.

"A couple hours."

"Three hours, forty seven minutes, and twenty eight seconds."

Jason and Billy answered at the same time.

"What did Zordon say?" Jason asked. He stood up, hands in pockets. Hard to believe he was their leader. Hard to believe any of them were rangers. They weren't warriors, they were just a bunch of scared kids, Trini especially. Especially now.

"Do you want to tell them?"

Trini nodded. "When Rita attacked me, she created a connection. Basically we can communicate. Zordon thinks I'm compromised and that I should step down until we can figure it out."

"What do you think?" Jason quiped. He looked at her very seriously, as if she had the final say.

"I don't know. I don't want to put you guys in danger. What if I have another episode while we're fighting, or in the Megazord?"

And then there was the unsaid question, the one burning in the back of her mind:  _What if I betray you?_


	4. Waking Up In Strange Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for super gayness.
> 
> Edit 05/23/2018: I changed a few things as to Tommi's backstory.

Sneaking into the house has become easier with the updated strength, but after today, she didn't feel like being extra. She wasn't up for it, strength wise either. it had taken her several hours to be able to walk a straight line, and a few more until she was no longer carsick. Instead she was now creeping through the back door, careful to avoid the creaky and warped floor boards. It was nearly midnight, and hopefully her parents were asleep. "Trinidad Isabella Gomez." Of course it wouldn't be that easy, she was so close to making it too. "Where have you been?" Her mother was sitting on the couch, legs crossed and hands folded in her lap. She looked up and down Trini, her face showing her disdain at Trini's appearance. Even if she could make up a lie, it wouldn't be a believable one, her clothes were in tatters, blood splattered on her shirt.

So Trini went with the best defense she could come up with: sarcasm. "Did you know Mom, I'm a werewolf."

"This isn't a time to be playing games!" She stood, arms crossed. "I get a call from your school saying you passed out, and that Hart girl and Jason got you out of school. Do you know how many kids I've seen like that at work. If you're using this as a way to get out of class, I swear."

Trini nodded, looking down holding her hands in front of her. "I'm sorry."

" _'I'm sorry'_? Is that all you have to say for yourself? I'm sitting at work, waiting until I can go home, and you are out with your 'friends.'" She was shouting, making Trini shrink back. She hated being yelled at, especially at home where her brothers could hear. She was wondering if they were awake right now, listening to their mother yelling at their sister again.

She did what she could to shorten the lectures, mainly for their sake, but today she was not having any of it. She was angry, beyond angry. "I don't know what you want me to say! I'm sorry I'm late. I'm sorry that I passed out during class, I'm sorry I have friends, I'm sorry that I wasn't faking it! I'm sorry I'm gay! Is that what you want?"

"Go to your room!"

"What?!" Trini was shocked. "I'm not ten, Mom. You can't keep cutting off a conversation just because you don't want to talk about it!"

"Trinidad, juro por dios no vas tu dormitorio ahora mism-"

"I don't fucking understand you!" Trini was pulling her hair at the roots, she was so frustrated with everything, Rita, Zordon, the school, her parents. She let out a scream. The pain in her head brought her to her knees.

"Trini?" Her mother went from angry to concerned in only a few seconds, her hands on Trini's back, rubbing her shoulder gently. "Mark! Mark, get down here!" "Hija, Trini, can you speak?"

She only mumbled incoherently. _Not again._ She noticed her dad running down stairs, the home phone in hand.

She was in her room, laying down on her bed, eyes closed. Something cold and salty dripped on her face. She wanted to ignore it, but there was another one. When she opened her eyes, Rita was above her, floating over her bed.

"Hello again, Yellow."

This was most definitely a dream, there was no way Rita was here. Hell, even Trini wasn't even in her room. "This isn't a dream, you should know that by know. Didn't Zordon tell you that? Relax, I just wanted to talk without those pesky friends of yours interrupting."

Trini could smell the salt water on her breath, and the scent of death surrounding her body. Trini was up against the wall, the memory of the night in question reeling through my mind. She was pinned to the wall, unable to move, even though Rita was able to step back and walk about.

"I thought you'd enjoy something a bit more familiar to you to ease your mind." Rita smiled. She turned to the wall which Trini knocked her into a month ago. "I like what you've done with the place." She nodded to her brothers' painting of the rangers. "Cute," she sneered. "Aren't you a little too tall in this?" She raised an eyebrow arrogantly.

She explored the room some more, examining the pictures taped to her mirror.

"What do you fucking want?" Trini asked.

"Many things, revenge, gold, power, another Krispy Kreme donut, but right now I'm just enjoying messing with you." She put her finger on a black and white photograph of her and Kim, the two of them making stupid faces at the camera. Plucking it off the glass, she had it burn between her fingers. She glanced at Trini as she did, watching the light dance in her eyes. "You know, I was just like you too."

"You and I are nothing alike!" Trini snarled. She struggled against whatever was holding back.

Rita clapped her hands giddily. "And there it is. We're both angry, and terribly underestimated. Imagine what you could do if you were to use it properly." She gave a wolfish grin. "That would be a sight." Rita sat at the edge of her bed, watching Trini struggle.

"Is this part where you try to get me to join your side, because honestly you aren't making a good case for yourself." She watched as the embers of the burned photograph danced in the air. "Especially after that because fuck you that was a good picture."

"Where I come from, sarcasm is a sign of a weak will. Why do you think I choose you? Bravery, strength, brains, no, you're weak. Weak and in love." Trini grew silent. "Pink caught your eye, hasn't she? Such an alluring color, isn't it?"

Rita stood up, coming closer to Trini. She walked her fingers over her chest. "Now let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time there was a pretty young girl who liked the color green. A boy in red gave her a shiny coin that gave her power. Do you know what happens next?" All she got was a silent glare. "Well, they traveled around the universe helping people, just the two of them. Soon they found a girl in pink and a boy in blue. Then a boy in black. And finally a girl in yellow. It wasn't just Green and Red, it was a whole rainbow.

"And Red forgot about who he started with. No, Yellow took up all his time. Green was forgotten. So when Green had the chance to kill, she took it." Rita's fingers stopped over the scars on Trini's chest. "Trust me when I say that I enjoyed every second of destruction."

"I like you, Trini, I see that little girl in green in you. These little 'episodes' are just a taste of what I'm going to do to Pink if you don't help me."

"You can stop the mind fuckery because I yeeted your ass into space. And I'm the only one you can talk to so."

"Is that so?" Rita chuckled. "Do you really believe that? Oh Yellow, this is just a fraction of what I can, so unless you want to test me, you will listen to me."

She pulled the green power coin from her staff, pressing it into her hand. "You're going to find me a green ranger."

Trini flung the coin across the room. "No."

The golden staff was now being pressed against her throat, the sharp lines of the mental digging into her skin. "Let me make myself clear, you don't do this and Kimberly Ann Hart dies."

There was a loud beeping in Trini's ears, and she was overwhelmed by the scent of chemicals.

"Choose carefully, Yellow."

Trini woke up with the light streaming through the windows. She wasn't in her room but in a hospital bed, a curtain sectioning off one part of the room from her. An IV dripped some saline into the line connected to the needle in her arm and the heart rate monitor sounded a steady  _beep beep_.

"Where am I?"

The curtain was thrown open violently, Trini nearly jumped out of her bed. There was a girl standing behind the thin curtain, a mischievous smile on her lips. Her hair shaved on the sides, and a tattoo on her arm of a dragon. This was definitely not her home.

"A hospital, in case you couldn't tell," she said. Her voice was rough and gravely. "They brought you in here early this morning, a real pain in my ass seeing as your mom kept crying."

Trini closed one eye in the bright, trying to adjust to the change of setting. "Do you know where she went?"

The girl shrugged. "I don't know, but my guess is for a cup of coffee." She began putting on a green Letterman's jacket. "It's so fucking cold in here." Trini nodded, holding her goosebump covered arms. "You want my blanket?" the girl offered. "These fuckers don't really work unless you bundle then together."

"I'm good," Trini said. How anyone could be so talkative in the morning was beyond her.

She glanced down at her hand, the green power coin washing her palm in emerald light.

"What's that?" The girl was standing right by her, a little too close. Out of reflex, Trini punched her in the arm. "Damn, I'm sorry." She began rubbing her arm.

"You scared me!" Trini said angrily.

"I didn't think you'd break my arm! I come in here to get my sutures checked out and I'm gonna leave with a fractured humerus."

As she turned around to get back to her bed, Trini read the name "Oliver" on the back of her jacket.

"Your name is Tommi, right?"

The girl flashed a bright smile. "Tomisha Raine Oliver, most people call me Tommi though. How'd y'know?"

 "Your jacket, you left it in detention."

"Yeah, I'm kinda famous for it." Tommi sat crisscrossed on her bed. "What are you in here for?"

"Why do you have to make it like we're in prison?"

"I've been in and out of hospitals a lot this year, I like hearing other people's stories.

Typically Trini wasn't one for small talk, or for giving information to complete stranger, but there was something about Tommi that kind of drew her in.

"Seizures," Trini answered. "I had two within a few hours."

"Well shit, I'm in here because the stitches on my chest looked infected but damn I guess you win most interesting affliction award."

Trini laughed. "I'm fine."

"Your mom didn't seem to think so," Tommi retorted.

"My mom's a nurse. You should see her when one of my brother's scrapes their knee, she thinks they have to amputate it."

Tommi laughed. "My mom's the same way, very overprotective."

Trini winced, "When it comes to me, I don't think the word overprotective is right, more like legal and moral responsibility." She coughed, thinking about how she could change the subject. "So, uh, how did you get those stitched?"

"Oh," Tommi's face got darker, obviously embarrassed. "I was dicking around on my skateboard, and fell. There was a jagged bit of metal, and the rest is history."

A nurse holding a tray knocked on the door. "Glad to see you're awake, Trini. I'm Nurse Foster, and I'll be working with Doctor Heath today." She gave Trini a cheery, but fake smile. She already disliked her.

The nurse turned to face Tommi. "Michael, Doctor Martin prescribed these for yo-"

"My name is Tommi, not Michael." Tom's voice sounded small, and hurt. At first Trini was confused, why would the nurse call her Michael?

 _Oh_.

At least that explains why Trini immediately trusted her.

The nurse looked awkward, obviously not knowing what to do. "I'm sorry, the name on the paperwork said Thomas. But you need to take these antibiotics." She handed Tommi a paper cup of water and placed the pills on the table before hurrying out.

Tommi gagged on the medicine, sticking her tongue out in displeasure. "Sorry, about that, I hate it when people use my dead name."

"No, it's cool. You're Tommi."

She smiled at Trini. "Yeah, thanks for not getting all weirded out."

"We got to stick together, right?"

"Queer?"

"Yeah," Trini answered. It felt so good to finally say that out loud, especially with someone who got her.

"Thought so but I didn't want to assume."

"Nice to finally meet someone like me."

"Isn't it great! Two freaks of nature, two things the right wing conservatives hate the most in one room. That's like too much gay to function." They laughed. "So DeeDee, is it?"

"Actually, it's Trini. Trini Gomez."


	5. Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating sooner, I have a lot on my plate. Who's ready for some Trimberly feels? Also, the some text messages are left intentionally unnamed, have fun trying to piece who said what.

"Are you positive it's not drugs?" Her mother had been convinced that perhaps Trini was faking it for attention.  _Yes, because I want a larger spotlight on me._ She was eyeing the bag of her personal effects on the floor. She was dreading picking it up, expecting at least a few obligatory "Where are you?" texts from the rest of the rangers. Right now she wanted to get out of the too-large-one-size-does-not-fit-all hospital gown and put on some real clothes.

"For the last time, June," Dr. Heath explained, "we ran blood tests and urine samples, there are no drugs in her system."

Trini's mom stood rigidly by her, hands clutching the railing by Trini's hospital bed. Tommi had left a little while ago (though she promised to see her at school) leaving Trini sitting awkwardly between her mother and the doctor on the bed. Dr. Heath gave her a sympathetic look. Thus far Trini had to give eleven vials of blood (actually twelve, but first one was considered "contaminated" since the tech that drew her samples pushed the needle a little too far, and stopped blood flow to the vial) and one urine sample. She was tried, she was cold, her arm was sore from the sampling, and she rather be at school and have everyone ask questions as to why she passed out yesterday than sit her with her own mom accusing her of doing drugs. Again.

Dr. Heath turned her, obviously not getting any leverage on her mother. "Have you been feeling ill recently?"

Trini nodded. "Feverish, light-headed, short of breath, nauseous." She rattled off her systems like a textbook.

"Have these symptoms been chronic or sudden?"

"Sudden."

"No falls, blows to the head?" Trini shook her head. "No previous history of seizures, correct?" Taking a quick listen to her heart, and one last check of her body temperature the doctor nodded. "Any electrical shocks?" Trini kept shaking her head. "And we took MRIs so no bleeds or tumors. Your white blood cell count is a little high but not abnormally so, probably because of those scratches on your throat. We had you under observation for twelve hours. Most likely the seizures were caused by a fever. It is more common in younger children, but it isn't unheard of in teenagers." He scribbled something on his notepad. "If there are no more episodes tonight, I think you should be fit for a half day at school tomorrow." He handed the sheet of paper to Trini's mom. "You are free to go."

Trini ripped out the IV from her arm. "Finally," she said, collecting her bag off the ground and immediately pulling the dirty beanie on her head.

Her mother, reluctantly, signed all the paperwork, though she was throwing glances at Trini's lab work to make sure that the doctor didn't miss anything.  _This car ride is going to be super fucking awkward._

As she got dressed, Trini checked her phone. There were several missed calls and perhaps a million text messages.

**do u need me to pick u up??**

**you need a ride?**

**Can we talk, T?**

**Trini text me when you can**

**where are you**

**Hey Trini, it's Billy, do you need me to pick up your homework? I should be able to drop it off after training today.**

**i swear to god trini, if you don't text me back within the next hour, im coming over to your house.**

**jsut tommi checking in to see i got your number right**

**okay. So you're dad said you were in the hospital**

**your***

**Trini, i left you two voice mails, please call me back asap**

**Trini**

**Trini I'm scared**

**Please call me**

**Or text me**

**or send me some fucking smoke signals idk**

**if yuo dont answer me soon im going to fight you in the pit**

**Okay T kim is freaking out i'm pretty sure she's going have me knock her out so she can go to the hospital**

**srsly please call i'm not strong enough to knock her out**

She sent a brief group message:  **I'm fine. I'll be in school tomorrow. We'll talk.**

She waited stared at the message until she saw the words  _Read_ underneath and shut down her phone. Hopefully that would satisfy them for awhile.  _And they call me Crazy Girl._ While she wanted to calm them, mainly Kimberly, she didn't want to talk about yesterday. It was still too fresh, too raw. She needed a little time before they can really figure out how they were going to deal with this as a team.

She looked down at her clothes, the stained t-shirt and jeans. Her mom neglecting to bring a change of clothes, forcing her to change back into them. She looked like walking crime scene, torn fabric and drops of blood, but out of all of her personal effects she was just glad her beanie survived. But she smelled like a wet cat. She poked her head outside, waiting to see if her mom was done with her own examination of Trini's paperwork. Without a word, she signaled Trini over, finally ready to leave.

One of the nurses wheeled her out of the hospital, despite her protests that she was fine, both her legs worked, and _please, I can fucking walk_. Apparently it was standard procedure to be taken out in a wheelchair, and Trini didn't like it.

"Have a good day," the nurse said, depositing Trini just outside the hospital's front doors. Trini didn't bother with responding as the man's pager went off and he rushed inside.

"Get in the car," her mother said roughly. Trini did as she was told, moving as quickly as possible, head down and mouth shut tight. Thus far Rita's little "visits" happened during times of stress so she was doing her best to stay calm and collect. They sat in the car for about half a minute, neither speaking nor moving. Trini stared at the carpet, taking great notice at the lint on the floor and the mud splattered on her boots while her mother kept an icy stare ahead, hands knuckle white on the steering wheel. The car was not moving, and Trini knew there was no way to avoid the upcoming conversation. "What were you doing yesterday with your  _friends_?" she asked. The way she said friends made it sound like a dirty, something that she should be ashamed of.

Trini took a deep breath.  _Calm, cool, and collected_ , she repeated to herself. "I wasn't feeling good and when I passed out Kimberly took me to her place." Not the whole truth, but not necessarily a lie either.

"Bullshit," her mother said. "You were faking it to get out of class, weren't you?"

"I swear I wasn't, Mom. You saw me last night, I wasn't faking it." Though she was trying her hardest to keep emotions and reactions in check, she was shaking a bit.

"Well if you weren't faking it and it wasn't drugs, what was it?"

"You fucking heard the doctor!" She got a pop on the mouth.

"You don't use that language around me, understand?"

"Whatever, can we go home?"

Thank God the hospital was only a few minutes away from her house because if she had to be in a confined space with her mother for another second she was sure she would freak out again.

Trini ran to her room, locking the door behind her. The last thirty six hours were fucking miserable and she wanted to quit life at this point. Her room was once her sacred space, the one room in the whole world where she could be herself, free from judgement (except her own, and her own words of criticism we're the harshest). And Rita Repulsa defiled it.

She stripped out of her dirty clothes. _I'm_ _definitely burning these in the quarry._  As she got undressed she saw her reflection in the mirror. The image of her was a sad one. Zordon said they had to take off the masks they wore in order to morph, but as she studied herself more and more, she realized she didn't really have a mask. That's why she's been hurt so many times. Sure she had defenses, who didn't? She touch the scars, noticing how the cracks in her wall mirrored the scars on her body, because while she did her best to cover them up, they will always be there. Her scars were no longer a badge of courage, but a message, Rita's brand that now whenever she looked at it she would remember:  _I own you._

 "Am I interrupting something?"

Trini turned to see Kimberly climbing through her window, eyes shut. "I swear I'm not being creepy, I just brought your homework."

Quickly, Trini grabbed a shirt out of her drawer, putting it on at an impossible rate. "I thought Billy said he was coming."

Kimberly shrugged. "He had something to do, so I thought I'd drop it off." She was peaking through her fingers. "Oh good, you're decent." She handed Trini a stack of paper. "You're lucky, only have three homework assignments." Kimberly leaned against the windowsill. "Did you get my texts?" Her voice was very quiet, Trini wasn't quite sure if she heard correctly.

"Yeah," she answered. "Did you see mine?"

Kimberly nodded. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well, as you can see, I'm fine, I just need to rest."

"Can we talk?"

Those were the three words Trini dreaded, next to "I hate you" and "I love you." Trini just sat on her bed, motioning Kimberly to join her.

"Can we talk about us?"

"What about us?" Trini began playing with her fingers, picking at her cuticles. She did not want this talk right now. Actually, she didn't want this talk period. But she nodded instead, unsure of what was the right thing to say. "What are we doing?"

Trini couldn't answer.  _What the fuck do you mean "what are we doing"?_

"I mean," Kimberly started finger her bedspread, tugging at any loose strings. This conversation was like that, pulling a string and unraveling a whole sweater. Too much emotion, too many thoughts, too much longing and aching. "Are we friends? Or are we just power rangers?"

"We're friends," Trini replied, echoing the words Billy had said to her at the bonfire. "You're my best friend. Pretty much my only girlfriend ever. I mean girl friend as in a girl that is a friend." She started to panic a bit.

"I get it," Kimberly said quietly. She gave Trini a shy smile. "You're my best friend too."

"Well, don't tell Zack that, he might get his panties in a twist. He thinks he's my only friend."

Kimberly playfully nudged her shoulder. "I'm gonna brag about it. Trini Gomez is my best friend and anyone who has a problem with that can fight me."

"Okay, calm down, it isn't that deep."

"Whatever, Crazy Girl, you love it."

"I love you."

_Fuck._

_Me._

_Why?_

The words slipped out without any warning, and right now Trini wanted to wither away and die. It felt like her soul had left her body, and there was nothing but those hated three words. Those three words she swore she wouldn't say.

"Ah, thanks, I love me too," Kimberly joked.

Trini honestly wasn't expecting that, but it was surprisingly far worse than any other scenario she came up with, and that included the one where the sun exploded and took all life with it.

She felt uncomfortable, like someone was poking her in her back over and over. "You should go, I need to get some sleep."

"Oh," Kimberly said. She stood quickly, making her way to the window. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." And with that she was gone.

Trini curled up on her bed, hands clutching one of her pillows, and began to cry.


	6. Half Days and Rumors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know you're in too deep when you're writing on your phone during work. Happy Pride everyone!

Someone tapped on her shoulder, startling her out of her train of though. "What was up with the freak out yesterday, Gomez?" It was Ty, Kimberly's ex. He sat on the table top, dirty sneakers touching Trini's thigh. She gave a disgusted look, scooting a bit away from him. She could hear the snickers coming from the "popular" table as he leaned towards. He was your generic pretty white boy, pale skin framed with "I didn't try very hard this morning" messy hair. Most of the girls, freshmen and seniors alike, lusted after him, well, next to Jason.

She put down her sandwich, lacing her fingers together and resting her head on them. "What would you like to know? It fucking happened, that's it." She cracked her neck. "May I continue my lunch, or are you going to continue annoying me?"

He pushed her sandwich a few inches out of her reach. "Spill, Gomez," he said with a smirk. "What is Kimberly Hart doing with you?"

"Oh, that's what you want to know?" She looked up at him, biting her lip suggestively and fiddling with her hair.

He gave a glance to his table, a sideways grin on his face. "Yeah." Several people giggled, Amanda raised her eyebrows at Ty as if to egg him on. "So what's it like?"

"So every day we go out to the mines, and she almost always frustrated out of her mind." She gave him a wink. "Usually, Jason Scott, Zack Taylor, and Billy Cranston come to watch, but sometimes we're alone." She leaned in a bit. He was licking his lips, his mouth slightly open.

"And?" he croaked. His voice thick and deep.

"We beat the living shit out of each other for about an hour, and drive back home in Billy's mom's minivan. What the fuck did you think we did?"

There was a loud snort from one of the other tables. Ty turned, "Got a problem, faggot?"

"Such hypocrisy," said a familiar voice. A chair scraped the linoleum floor. "I'm assuming you're not only one of those 'two girls are hot but two dudes are gross' mentality but also of the 'I can hit on any girl I lay my eyes on, but no one can talk to my girlfriend' mindset. Pity, with the way this conversation seemed to be heading, I had such high hopes for you." It was Tommi, in full green jacket glory, hands on waist and hip jutted out.

"I don't have time for trannies," Ty sneered. He stood up, towering Tommi by a head, he looked triumphant, as though that was the killer blow.

Tommi only smiled. "So that's why Kimmy left you, making up for that tiny dick with a big mouth." She turned to Trini eyes wide in shock, her mouth forming an "o". "I think that's why he was asking you for the details. Kimmy wouldn't touch his tiny dick." Trini held back a laugh, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Shut up, queer."

Tommi only rolled her eyes. "Is that honestly the best you have? I have seen better from ten year olds on Vine." She pushed her hand against his chest, making him stumble. "So here's how this is going to happen. First you are going to walk over to your little fuck buddies and tell them your a giant pussy because you couldn't take a little 'tranny.' Then you are going to finish your lunch in peace because I'm choosing to ignore the use of three slurs in a single minute." She pushed him harder. "And you are going to leave my girlfriend and I alone. If I even think you are bothering her again, I will cut off your balls. I guess that'll make you more like me than you'll care to admit." She sat, looping her arm around Trini's waist and giving her a wet kiss on the cheek. She plopped herself into Trini's lap, waving him off. She leaned into Trini's neck, pushing back her hair.

"Is he gone?" Tommi asked.

"Yeah."

"Thank God," she got off of Trini. "Your lap is extremely uncomfortable."

"Hey! You have a boney ass, that's not my fault."

"Yes it it, because it's your lap that isn't comfortable. It's down right transphobic!"

Trini laughed, Tommi sticking her tongue at her. For the first time in a few months, she felt at ease, not constantly on alert, just a teenager trying to be happy.

"Is he always like that?" Tommi asked. She snatched a few of Trini's chips.

"What is with girls and trying to steal my food?! First Kim, now you."

"Answer my question, Gomez." She took another chip. "And you can fucking fight me."

Trini pursed her lips. "He's just a general asshole about most things, especially when it comes to Kimberly."

"I heard she knocked out his tooth."

"They put it back," she said defensively.

Tommi grinned. "I'm just happy someone kicked his ass is all. So," this time she took Trini's sandwich, taking a bite out of it and handing it back to her, "what was this about girls stealing your food."

Trini pushed her food far away from Tommi. "You are greedy and only want me for my snacks."

"False," Tommi declared. She mined pushing glasses up the bridge of her nose and fixing a bow tie. "I'm here because you're pretty awesome, and you're LGBT. The snacks," she stole another chip for emphasis, "are an added bonus."

"Well, there'll be none soon if you don't stop eating them." The bag was empty now, leaving Trini with a few crumbs. She sighed, throwing Tommi a pout. 

"Guess I have to leave, since apparently I'm only here for the snacks."

The bell rang and Tommi ran off the grab her stuff. Trini packed up her things and headed to the office. Her dad was waited for her, keys in hand.

"You ready to go, mija?" he asked, jiggling the keys. "I already signed you out."

She smiled. Out of her parents, her dad was the gentler soul, so it surprised her when some of her elementary and middle school friends said that he scared them, and that her mom was awesome. To her it was the exact opposite. Her dad was always there for, the calm force that kept everything together, her mom was another entity altogether.

"Hey, chica, I asked you a question," he said, nudging her with his elbow.

"Huh?"

"I asked how was school."

Trini shrugged. "It was okay I guess." She fiddled with the straps of her bag. "Just long. I'm tired."

He put his hand on her forehead, just like how he used to when she was sick as a kid. "If you don't feel up to going to school tomorrow-"

"I'm fine, dad," she said quickly. "I'm fine."

He nodded slowly, tapping his fingers on the wheel.

He began to rattle on about work, changing the radio every so often. "So when the commander came in." Trini nodded along, adding an "Mhmm" to make it seem like she was paying attention.

Her phone buzzed against her leg.

It was Kimberly.

**So you and tommi oliver are dating??!**

_Wait, what?_

**what r u talking about????**

She could practically hear the sigh Kimberly was giving her phone, as if Trini knew actually what she meant.

**You and Tommi. Ty told me.**

This is when she knew she was in trouble. Kim didn't usually punctuate her texts like that.

**And u belive that asshole?**

**It's a yes or no question Trini.**

Trini bit her lip as she typed out her reply.  **And why do you care?** She stared at the screen for a full minute, debating whether this was a good idea before saying fuck it and sending it.

The message had the  _Read_ notification under it, but there was not hasty message back. She turned the phone on silent before shoving it into her pocket.

At home she laid down to take a quick power nap, the half day at school draining her energy faster than she thought. She made a tight fist, looking at how her skin moved across her bones. She didn't want this. She expected to go through the town like a breeze, just in and out, not making waves, keeping her nobody identity just as she did in her other schools. She didn't expect some tiny fishing town like Angel Grove to make her feel, give her friends, or change her life like this. Her nails began digging into her palm.

_Sleep please take me._

_Or Death._

_Whichever wants to come first._

_I just don't want to think anymore._

Sleep decided it wasn't going to be a little bitch and lose a fight against Death because Trini was asleep within a few minutes. She dreamt of running away, not just from her parents but also from her responsibilities as a ranger, and sometimes her friends.


	7. Wants and Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of updates, I had too much piled on my plate at once. Hopefully now that my immune system is back online I can get back to delivering you guys angst. It's a little short, but I promise for more soon.  
> Andi out.

It was almost midnight when Trini woke up, having slept through the rest of the day. She didn't remember her dreams, just waking up to the feeling of her heart racing and cold sweat on her back.  _No one is here_ , she told herself, taking a deep breath. She was safe.

Sitting up, she held her face in her hands, trying to calm down.  _I'm okay._ Her room was eerily quiet, which was strange, typically she had her iPod playing in the background. She got up, the cold ground shocking her awake.

"I would say you look peaceful in your sleep but that wasn't the case." Kimberly was sitting on the window sill, looking out at the stars. "You slept like shit." Her dark hair tucked behind her ears. Her eyes were as dark as the night sky.

"What are you doing in here? This is the second time you just showed up."

Kim opened her mouth as if to say something. "I don't even know."

"Yeah, me neither." There was an edge in her voice, sharp and quick like knife. And like any weapon she hit hard, not holding back.

Kim began picking a scab on the back of her wrist. "I didn't want you to be mad at me."

 "For what?" Trini bit the inside of her cheek. Oh, she was mad, but she didn't know what brand of forgiveness Kimberly was looking for.

"I don't know, everything I guess."

Crossing her arms, Trini leaned back, trying to be her composure. "Why do you care whether I'm dating Tommi or not?"

Kimberly gave a sigh, shrugging a bit. She didn't meet Trini's eyes. "I heard a lot of rumors about her, some stuff about being hospitalized a lot and her old school."

"You don't know her, Kim."

"And you do?" She shot back. Neither one of them were pulling punches, a session in the Pit would have been less violent (emotionally) than this.

"A bit more than you do, yeah, actually."

Kim gave a sigh, running her fingers through her hair, frustrated at everything. "Why are you so fucking stubborn?"

"Pot meet kettle," she said, gesturing towards Kim then herself.

"Just fucking talk to me, Trini, is it the Rita thing? What is up with you?"

"I don't want to talk about it. God, Kim, you can't just butt your way into everything. It's my life."

Kimberly gave a sardonic laugh. "I care about you!"

Trini threw a worried look at the door. "Keep your voice down!"

Kim took a deep breath, obviously trying to keep calm. "I care about you," she repeated as a whisper. "And as a member of the tea-"

"So this is what it's about? Such a team player, coming to check up on me for the team. Did Jason send you? I don't need to be looked after."

"I'm here because, surprise surprise, you're my friend, so if you'd stop being a fucking asshat, that would be nice. I don't understand you, I'm trying to help."

"Well you aren't doing a good job, are you?"

"I-" she took a step back, hurt, "like I said I'm trying."

"I think you should leave, Kim."

"Trini, please don't do this." Kimberly stood, grabbing Trini's hand.

Her hand felt cold, clammy. She pulled away, "Don't touch me." She slid further away. "Please don't touch me."

Kimberly sniffed, her eyes watery and red rimmed. "Okay," was all she said as she walked to the window. "Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked, facing the window.

She noticed the slight shudder going through her friend's body, the heaving of her chest, and the sound of dripping tears. "I don't know."

She awaken to the sound of thunder. Her eyes going straight for the window, closed and locked, and Kimberly's name on her lips. No, it was a dream and she was alone. Like always. She stared at her hands, trying to remember how cold Kim's were in the dream, almost like a warning against her affections for her pink clad friend. She felt sober, like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over her head, like someone ripped the world from beneath her.

She fumbled with her phone, struggling to type her password, her own fucking birthday for Christ's sake. Scrolling through her very limited contact list. The most recent popped up.  _No, absolutely not._ She scrolled past the offending name and number to the next available one.

Typing quickly, she wrote, and rewrote and very vague but non-stress inducing text about bad dreams and wanting to talk. It was the middle of the night, so she wasn't expecting an immediate reply, but she got one in the form of phone call. She panicked a bit, not knowing if she should pick up. Watching the phone buzz in her hand, seeing the green answer button staring at her, almost daring her to hit it. So she did.

"Tell me everything," Tommi said.

That was it, no hi, no "are you okay?" (which was a relief, because there was no way she was admitting she wasn't anything other than okay.) She told her about her dream, leaving out the part about Rita and the team. And Kimberly. Definitely nothing about Kimberly.

"I just, she was, I don't even fucking know, but you of all people know how the real story goes the comic relief cracks a joke but it's the boy who kisses the girl." Trini smirked. "I can't even get her in my dreams."

"Because that's what you're worried about," Tommi said. Trini could practically see her shaking her head. "If you focused on, well, maybe she likes you, you wouldn't be so hung up on rejection."

"I rejected her, Tommi." She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself and her thoughts. "She tried to hold my hand and I pulled away." Wrapping her arms around her shoulders, resting her face in the crook formed. "The thought of her touching me was too much."

"Maybe you should let this mystery girl know. It's better to let it go than to hold it all in." There was a yawn on the other side. "I wish I could do more, say more, but my brain is fried."

"No, no, I get it, get some sleep. I'll deal with it in the morning."

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Tommi asked, echoing the word Kimberly said in her dream.

"Yeah," Trini said finally. "Maybe."

She ended the call, closing her eyes as Tommi gave a quick goodbye.

The rest of the night was spent watching her radio clock slowly changing minute by minute, her brain holding on too tightly at the thought of Kim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all thought you were getting some real Trimberly, weren't you?  
> I wrote a little Trimberly one shot called It's The End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine), an apocalypse AU. Check it out if it is your thing.


	8. Prom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I haven't given up, just hella busy. Got a laptop, which means no more writing on my phone!!! Hopefully this means I'll be writing more and have less grammatical errors. I will go back to previous chapters I try to edit them to something looking like proper English. Enjoy some fluffy gay feelings.  
> Andi out.

Jumpy was only one way to describe Trini's behavior the following morning, though she would protest at the word. Erratic was another. Paranoid. Sporadic. Increasingly more and more fidgety. Every noise, from the slamming of locker doors to the shuffling of paper, made her nervous. Her senses were working in some adrenaline fueled overdrive, hell, even her clothes were bothersome, chaffing against her skin. Someone touched her shoulder, causing her to panic. She grabbed the person's hand, twisting it behind their back,

"Okay, uncle! Uncle!" Zack groaned, trying to twist himself out of her grip. "Jesus Christ, Crazy Girl, you nearly fucking broke my wrist." Rubbing the back of his hand, he nudged her slightly. "You are way too jumpy. Like ‘I took too many pills and now everyone is a body snatcher’ kind of jumpy."

"I'm not fucking jumpy," she said. A teacher passing by gave her a stern look. "Sorry, Mr. Peterson," she apologized, using her best _It won't happen again_ face before turning back to Zack and giving him her scariest _I will kill you and no one will ever find you remains_ face. "Don't fucking sneak up on people, Taylor," she hissed.

He screwed up his face mouthing her words. "Sorry that I love messing with you? Anyway, you going to prom?" He leaned against the neighboring locker door, nodding at people as they walked by.

"No," she said, slamming her locker shut.

"Ah come on! Is it because you don't have a date? Because that's fucking lame. I don't have a date and I'm still going. Billy and I found a laser tag place that will let us play in our suits and you know that when Billy plays he is fucking brutal so I need back up."

"I just don't feel like going. I fucking hate this school. Why would I voluntarily give them twenty-five dollars in order to hang out in a hot gym with crappy music and pretend I like the people around me? I can do that during a family reunion for free." She threw her bag over her shoulder, annoyed with Zack's persistence at something she had literally zero interest in attending. One of his previous arguments was "These are the best years of our lives!" And he was using that one now.

_No you piece of shit, college is going to be the best years of my life, high school is the heteronormative bullshit prerequisite I have to endure to get to super glorious gay college._ She nodded, though currently internally (and eternally) seething at how easy it was for him, or any of their other friends, to forget the way this school has treated her just because she's gay. Right now he was dropped his arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "Imagine this, T, you, me, a thermos full of rum, and Billy creating a distraction far, far away from the punch bowl."

"Two things," she shrugged him off, walking backwards so she could make her points. "One, rum, really?"

"Yes, really."

"At least go with gin, it's classier."

Zack laughed. "This is a fucking fishing village, rum seems appropriate. And it was the only thing I could sneak out of the store. Don't worry, I left a twenty for it. That's definitely more than the shit is worth."

"Second thing, how did you convince Billy to go along with this." He flashed a wicked grin, and popped his jacket collar. "Stop it, you look it you're about to start a crappy rendition of Grease Lightning."

He began snapping his fingers to the beat of his walk. "Personally, I'm more West Side Story."

"I am fucking surprised you get off that train car enough to know what that is."

“I may sleep on a train car, and I may wear my coveralls, like, ninety-eight percent of the time, but I am cultured. But it was Billy's idea. He doesn't want to drink it, just help so he can said he did it. It's senior year.”

Trini snorted, “Does that mean you’re wearing your coveralls to prom?”

He shook his head, waiting for the inevitable trip and fall Trini was destined for as she continued walking backwards. “I value my life, Crazy Girl. My mom will kill me, just so she could put me in a suit.”

“I think my mom would do the same, I mean, with a dress.”

“I’d kill to see you in a dress,” someone said behind her. Trini bumped into them immediately, face red and eyes wide. The person steadied her, hands on shoulders, and kept her from falling. _Oh shit, it’s Kim_. Zack was stifling a laugh as Trini shot him a glare.

“You could always ask, Kim,” she responded, doing everything to maintain the perception of calm, cool, and collected.

And also not giving a shit and totally not a big gay awkward dork. _This is totally working._

Kim raised an eyebrow, smirking, “Like you’d actually do it if I asked.”

“No.”

_Yes._

_Maybe?_

_If you asked nicely._

_If you just asked._

_You can take it off too._

_If you want._

_Wait, you can’t fucking hear me._

“That’s what I thought.” She grabbed Trini’s backpack, hauling it with her own pastel pink one. Trini began to protect, grabbing at the loose straps. “Nope, not happening, you need to rest.” She pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper from her pocket. It was hastily written note with the principal’s signature scrawled at the bottom. “I’m your official buddy.”

“Who’s ass did you have to kiss to get this? Brendon Matthews was on crutches for three weeks and they wouldn’t let him use the fucking elevator.” Zack snatched the paper from Kimberly’s hands, holding it up to the light as if it was a counterfeit bill.

Kimberly rolled her eyes. “It’s real, Taylor, and to be honest, it was more breaking hands then kissing ass.” She gave her best cheerleader smile, and flipped her short hair. “Besides, who can say no to a cheerleader.”

The black ranger squinted at her suspiciously. “Did you seduce the principal?”

Sighing, Kimberly took the paper back from him, shoving it into her pocket quickly so he wouldn’t have the chance to steal it back. “Yes, Zack, Principal Caplan has cheerleader fetish. No, I just told him it would be really horrible if someone sued the school, or him for that matter, because a student who has seizures fell during class time.” She shrugged, smiling at Trini. “Gotta look out for our own,” she said, nudging Trini lightly.

“Okay,” she whispered softly.

“Looks like you’re in good hands, Crazy Girl. See you at lunch, Kim.” Zack walked off, hands deep in pockets, and chin up.

“Hey,” Kim said. “First class?”

“History, Mr. Vega.”

Kim winced, “Oooohhh, I fucking hated his class.” Trini gave her a funny look. “What? It was too much homework, and I had practice every day.”

“Yes, now you have training every day.”

“Are you coming today?” Kimberly licked her lips, her eyes straight forward.

Scratching the back of her head, Trini answered with. “I don’t know yet. I don’t want to put the team in jeopardy, y’know? What we’re making plans and she hears? Or if her powers amp u-”

Kim stopped for a moment, jarring Trini out of her babble. She looked around the empty hallways, seeming to check for unwanted attention, before pulling Trini into a supply closet.

It was dark. And cramp. And the darkness seemed to be bleeding into her eyes. Warm breath touched her face. Something fell on the ground beside her with a heavy thud. A second one followed. A warm object rushed passed her face and grabbed onto to something above her. And with a click the lights were on.

“Are we horny teenagers now?” Trini asked. She didn’t like tight spaces. Especially being in tight spaces with a girl. A cute girl. The girl she had a crush on. She took a step back, bumping into a broom.  _Can I just die? Please._

“Yes, Trini,” she purred. “We are.” Kim pushed a mop away from her face. “Can we talk about yesterday?”

“Why is it that when you want to talk you always ask ‘Can we talk?’ Just get right into it.”

“Are you really dating Tommi?” Kimberly blurted out.

“No,” Trini answered. She crossed her arms. “Is this was why you forced the princip-”

“I didn’t for-”

“Shut up, please.” Silence. “Thank you, anyway, I’m not dating anyway, we were just joking to get Ty off my back.”

Dark brown eyes narrowed as Kimberly bit the inside of her cheek. “Was he bothering you? Because you know I knocked his tooth out.”

“They put it back.”

“Doesn’t matter.” She waved her off. “The point is, I beat his ass before, I’ll do it again.”

“I’m pretty sure you’d just do it for a second chance at fighting him,” Trini joked.

Kimberly put her hands on her shoulders, her eyes going from cold and steely, to warm and protective. “I don’t care about him. You’ve just gone through a lot in the last couple days and the last thing you need is some idiot with a crooked front tooth bothering you. You’re my best friend.”

“Then why believe him when he told you about Tommi and I supposedly dating?” Trini knew she poking the bear, but fuck it, she'll poke that bear until the end of time.

The taller girl sighed. “I want to say that it's because you never talk to me about liking anyone, so it was shock, but really the only thing I can think of is jealousy.” Trini heart began pounding in her chest. She felt like she took an eight hundred foot fall off a cliff. _Did I hear that right?_ “You’re a very important person in my life, and I was thinking, ‘Oh, here’s another person replacing me.’ Stupid, right?”

“No.” Trini put her hand on her arm. “I mean, I get the feeling. But you're one of a kind. You're Kimberly Fucking Hart. Tommi is just the kind of friend I need at the moment, the normal kind who I don't sucker punch everyday. Just someone I can sit around and talk about the newest crap movie with and have it not feel like small talk. Does that make sense?”

“No, but it’s okay, because the entire school hates, except for like three idiots. And you. You aren't an idiot. And we beat the shit out of each other on a daily basis. I guess I won't get a normal friend.”

"I mean, if you want to come watch the latest YA novel adaptation with me and hear me heckle."

"I'd like that." Kimberly began laughing. "You still owe me a coffee date."

"You're right." There was a brief silence growing more and more awkward. Trini looked around, taking note of the various, possibly toxic, cleaning solutions, doing anything to avoid eye contact. “Kim, I’m glad we’re having this heart to heart bu-”

Kim cut her off with a laugh.

“What?” she asked, very confused.

“Hart to heart,” she choked out.

“You’re such a fucking dork, how were you popular? I have to get to class.”

“Oh, right.”

They stumbled out of the closet, both of them squeezing out the door at the same time. “You really should’ve let me go first,” Trini stated.

“And why’s that?”

“You fucking blackmailed the principal to be my buddy so you should act like my fucking buddy!”

“Whatever.” She picked up the two backpacks off the floor. “Let’s get you to class, nerd.”

Mr. Vega watched through the glass of the door as they approached his classroom. “Let me do the talking,” Kim said.

Turns out talk was making up an entire story about Trini feeling lightheaded, having to wait five minutes for her blood pressure to rise slightly before finally getting to class. And somehow Mr. Vega bought it, hook, line, and sinker. Maybe it was the note from the office. Maybe it was how detailed the story was. Maybe Kimberly Ann Hart was the greatest actress the world has ever seen. Who fucking knows.

But Mr. Vega let her take her seat, and continued lecturing on the Spanish Inquisition as if she was always in the room.


	9. Reckless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said regular updates... Yeah, no, I start college in like four days, so that is going to take up most of my time. I am not giving up though. This chapter is half as long as my usual output, not just as angsty. Maybe slightly more angsty. This chapter is told from Kimberly's point of view. Maybe (please don't hold me to it) my next chapter will be twice as long, maybe. Don't count on it.  
> And thank you for all the kudos and comments, they always make my day.  
> -Andi  
> Warning: This chapter contains mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts and actions.

Kimberly took a beating. There was no other way to put it. Zack wound up for another punch, and it landed, hitting her hit in the jaw. She saw it coming a mile away, but she made no attempt to block. She stumbled back, her shoulder grazing one of the rock formations in the Pit. Jason was shouting at her, telling her to keep her balance. Alpha 5 was encouraging Zack. Billy just kept fiddling with his watch. And Trini... Trini was at home, resting. Kimberly hated it. Thought Trini rarely opened up about anything, even after their bonfire, Kimberly could see that being at home was killing her. There was a reason she lingered after school, after every painful session in the Pit.

She took another punch, this time to the stomach. And she returned the favor, giving Zack a swift kick to the gut as well, but it was clear her mind was not focused on the fight.  Jason grimaced, putting his hands up and calling a time out.

"No, Zack, keep going." She regained her footing and held up her hands.

Zack glanced back at Jason, their leader giving him a disapproving look. "I don't know, Kim."

"Keep going."

The red and black ranger shared a look, and reluctantly, Jason allowed it and Zack went back into the fight. He landed a solid kick to Kimberly's cheek. Her ears rang as she made contact with the ground. The inside of her cheek was cut and she spit up blood. She vaguely heard Jason say, "That's enough, Kim."

"No, no, no," she got back up, though she swayed a bit. Her side ached, her vision blurred. "I can fight." Her fist where back in front of her.

Jason put his hands on her knuckles. "You are going to get hurt. Take a break, please."

"There are no breaks in battles. Or did you forget that we nearly died? Or that Billy actually died? No one is going to go easy on us because we're teenagers, Jason."

"Kimberly, sit down."

"We are down a ranger, and I'm not about to let my guard down. Zack, again."

"I have to agree with Jason on this," Zack said, sitting on the ground. He touched the bruise on the edge of his jaw as his eyes went back and forth between Red and Pink.

"How about we all take a break?" Billy suggested. "It's been a long day. I can get us from chocolate milk. My dad used to drink it after he had a long day at work and studies show that it actually has the right about of protein and sugar for a post workout drink."

"Thank you, Billy. Maybe later." Jason turned his attention back to Kimberly. "You can't do any fighting if you're dead from exhaustion." He glanced at Zack and Billy. "Kimberly and I need to talk."

Zack stood up, brushing off bits of gravel. "Come on, Billy, I need to get up to the med bay." Billy followed wordlessly, though he looked at Jason with sad eyes.

"Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of them." She turned to see Jason in a fighting stance. "What are you doing?"

"If you're so insistent on fighting," he answered. He waited for her to get ready before going at her with a full body tackle. She tried grabbing at his head, but never getting the leverage she needed to get him off her. He threw her on the ground, pinning her arms to her sides and level his fist with her face.

"Do it," she said.

He let her go, offering to help her up but she refused. She slapped him instead. "You told me to fight."

"No, I said you wanted to fight. You aren't blocking, you aren't fighting back, hell, you're not making a proper fist. You are letting yourself get hurt and I'm not allowing that."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He grabbed her wrist and held up her knuckles to her face. They were bloody and her skin was torn. She bit the inside of her cheek and looked away. "You are going to get yourself hurt, or killed."

She scoffed, "Would that be a bad thing?"

"Yes, Kim, a very bad thing!" He threw his hands in the air, as if searching for the right words. "I lost Billy already, and we got a second chance. We were so fucking lucky we got a second chance. Do you think that if something else happens we'll get another one?"

"No! I don't, which is why I'm trying really hard to make sure it sticks."

"How do you think Trini is going to feel when she hears about this?"

"When? No," she pushed her finger into his chest, "you _will_ leave her out of this Jason Scott. She already has too much on her already, she does not need me weighing her down."

"You are actively trying to get yourself killed, you don't think she won't want to know about this?"

"She doesn't need to know!" She let out a frustrated sigh. "For once, stop trying to fix me!"

"I'm sorry I care about my best friend?! I'm trying to help you!" he shouted. "Why are you so fucking reckless?"

"Because I want to fucking die, okay?!" Her nails dug into her palms. She didn't ignore the pain, instead letting it keep her focused. "You said it yourself, I fucking hate myself, so yeah, Jason, I'm fucking reckless."

They stood in silence for a moment, and Kimberly let go, her fist unfurling and the tension in her body ebbing away.

"You're going to hurt her if you keep going on like this."

"I know," she whispered. "But maybe when the dust settles and it's all over, she'll forgive me."

"She won't forgive you if you're dead."

"Good thing she has a shoulder to cry on then."

She walked up the the metal steps back into the ship. "You better not tell her about this."

"If I'm not going to get through to you, then who will?"


	10. Late Night Musings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Shit. It's been like...three whole months since I updated. Fuck. Welp, I'm still alive, college is alright. Again, pretty short but I figure a short update is better than one. I have a couple characters planned out in advance, but I have to get to them. Hopefully that will be quick since winter break is coming. For those of you in the United States, have a happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate it. Everyone else, happy Thursday.  
> Warning: Blood. There's quite a bit of blood. Mention of gore/body horror (brief, non explicit). Vomiting.

Trini laid awake in bed, her eyes opened and staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. Maybe if she stayed awake she wouldn't have nightmares again. Maybe if she trained herself in the art of sticking to reality she would not have to deal with Rita again. It had been two week since her "warning." The scratches on her body had healed, and the tension in her home was at a somewhat normal level, even if "normal" in the Gomez household was an extreme in most homes. Both mother and daughter did their best to avoid and ignore each other, only speaking single sentences, or not at all.

"Can you pass the salt?"

"Can you take me to school?"

"Good night."

"Morning."

 "Hey."

Both would linger at the opposite edges of the room, neither knowing when to, or how to continue the conversation. So one would give the other a glance, open her mouth, only to close it, and walk away. Her mother always complained about her being a ghost, now it seemed like they both were.

There was that, that she could handle fine with a couple round in the Pit, but Jason had her on leave until they could solve the whole thing. "It'll just be a couple days, no big deal. Once Billy and Alpha get some answers, and Zordon," he rolled his eyes a bit, biting his lip as if not to say anything in annoyance. Clearly this was Wall Dad's decision and not his. "When Zordon believes it will be safe for you to return, everything will be back to normal." He draped his heavy arm over her shoulders, ruffling her hair. "Think of this as the ranger vacation the rest of us will never have." He said that last week, and since then, no news. Billy and Alpha had began searching the database on the any form of telepathic communication. Nope! Nothing. Even in races were telepathy was the main form of communication, there were no records of connections with persons of other races. Billy had thrown the word parasite, or bacterial, even some form of alien fungal infection as possible outcomes. Trini grimaced at the thought. Hopefully she wasn't patient zero for some kind of alien parasite. Zack made a joke about a little Rita baby bursting through her chest.

"Give me your gold!" The others laughed, and she pretended to, but he wasn't far from the truth.

In a way, she was helping Rita... procreate? She gagged a bit at the word. But it was true. If her friends knew, if they knew what was at stake would they forgive her?

She wiped the sleep from her eyes, glancing at her alarm clock as she did.

 _It's 1:34 am. And I have a test in the morning, but fuck sleep right?_ She stared straight at the ceiling, eyes fixed at a weird smudged bit of paint.  _You don't need sleep when you have crippling anxiety AND depression! Let the constant fear of failure and unstoppable, crushing sadness of knowing you'll never be shit rule your life forever!_

Laying in bed with her thoughts did not suit her, as the act alone made her tired, tired enough for her to dare close her eyes. She wanted to, her eyes were heavy and her breathing was slowing. Sleeping would be so easy. Maybe she was tired enough to not have dreams, just drift blissfully in the big, black void of unconsciousness for the next five hours or so. The fight response in her, that tiny part that fueled her with spite and anger, tried arguing against it, yelling and screaming in her head:  _STAY AWAKE! You don't like it when you sleep, dumbass! Do you want to see all that shit again?_  The flight response was the opposite, coaxing her closer and closer to sleep.

_Maybe I can just dissociate until morning._

She rubbed her fists into her eyes, something warm and wet rubbing onto her hands. For a second she thought she was crying, though she didn't remember when she began crying. No, whatever it was is too thick to be just water. She wiped her eyes again, noticing for the first time the red staining her fingers. Her eyes were leaking blood, or rather she had been crying blood. Her shirt collar was drenched in red.

"It has been two weeks, Trinidad, I'm certain you have found me at least a few candidates." Rita sat on the edge of her windowsill, much like Kimberly had a thousand times before. The blood tears were thicker now, every time she blinked, the blood colored her vision red. She did her best to wipe it off, using her hands, her shirt, her bedspread, but it would only stain whatever she was using. "You're seeing what Jason sees, yes?" She ran her fingers over the tip of her staff. "Your golden boy sees only red. That visor doesn't let him see clearly. Everything red, red, red, red, nothing is black and white for him."

She opened her mouth to speak, but the blood was filling her mouth now. She was blind and mute now, only able to feel the thick liquid on her skin and tongue, and hear Rita's words cut her.

"All that pain can corrupt even the most valiant ranger. Golden boys fall harder than anyone. Well, maybe except golden girls, they fall from the most terrible heights." Rita continued. Trini heard her get up, her staff slamming against the floor. The bed creaked under the added weight. "You think you stand to live." The alien's cold hand wiped her eyes and for a brief moment Trini could see. "The rangers took everything from me."

"You were one," Trini choked out, fighting back the blood.

Those light fingers touched,  _caressed_ her cheek. She moved away, shuddering as she went. "When they kill the people you love, tell me, would you go with them? 'It was an accident.' 'I didn't mean to hurt them.' 'I'm sorry.'" She reached out for Trini, pulling her closer. As she tried to squirm away, Rita held her tighter. "You tell me,  _Trinidad_ , when you see your brothers dead at your feet, and your beloved bleeding in your arms, will you deny those who hurt you? You may fight back back, but is an angry girl to a warrior?" Her hand was in her hair now, smoothing out her curls. "She's an apprentice." Rita wiped her face again, and the blood finally stopped. She cupped her face, wiping away the dried blood from her cheeks. Trini cried real tears, tears made of water. "That's what you are to me."

"You said something," she gasped, "you said something about finding them first."

"Another team killed my legion." Rita cupped her chin. "That's when I knew that the power rangers had to end. All of them. And any source of life they deemed worthy of protection. If my world wasn't worthy," gripped Trini harder, "why should yours be?"

Trini shuddered, clawing at her bedspread in an attempt to get away. "I can't."

"You can't what?" The staff was pressed into her back, energy pulsing through her body.

"I can't do this!"

A shock went through her body, every nerve in her body on fire but her mouth sealed shut. "You will." Another shock, not as harsh but still painful, Trini whimpering as a bit of relief swept through her body. "I'm not finished with you yet. Even if you don't help me, I do enjoy this. Considering you caused this, I'd say this is fair." The pressure on her back was lifted.

"When I find your green ranger, we're done, right?"

"Perhaps. I have to see how useful you are to me." Rita's fingers laced into hers, her other hand patting her gently. "I like have a secret weapon, so why not have two."

"And the team? You'll leave them alone?"

"Can't promise that, short stuff, but I can promise that Kimberly Hart will be safe from me, at least."

There was a moment of tense silence, Trini balling her fists and shaking violently. And then she was let go, Rita was gone. She collapsed onto the spot Rita had once been. Her eyes opened, her hands gripping her sheets. _The blood's gone, perhaps some kind of glamour or illusion. No it was just a vision._  she thought, trying to hang on to rational thoughts. Everything felt like she had been punched in the gut. Her stomach clenched as her gagged, bile building up in the back of her throat. Images flashed in the back of her mind: Billy, soaking wet, unmoving, unbreathing, laying on the floor of the ship, tears streaking down everyone's face; Jason lying broken on the floor, his armour stripped and his sword poking through his shirt, his chest; Zach crying by his mother's bedside, a gun in his hand ( _Where did he get a gun?_ ), screaming their names over and over and over again; and Kimberly, face bruised and eyes cloudy and glazed over, in her burning Zord.

She grabbed her trash can from her floor, unable to hold it all down. Holding it tight against her chest, she vomited until she couldn't anymore and only dribbling was coming out. It was like vertigo, everything was fine and upright then suddenly not. She grabbed a half empty glass of water by her bed, rinsing her mouth from the vile taste. The images were burned into her mind, into her heart, and every time she closed her eyes she only saw heartbreak.


	11. You? Me? Shitty School Dance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So finals are coming up, but that means break is coming!! WHOOT! Maybe the sweet release of death with come for me!!!!!

"Hey, shorty!" Zack grabbed the handle of her backpack, jerking backwards. She yelped as she lost her footing, her "best" friend grinning wildly at her. "Haven't seen you in a while." He shoved his hands into his pockets, leaning against the lockers.

"It's been," she looked at a nearby clock, "almost exactly fourteen hours since you last saw me."

Zack sighed, "I know! But I still missed you!" He gave a sideways grin to a couple walking past, noticed that Trini at him with a less than impressed glare. "I'm codependent on you!"

"The other person needs to be dependent on you for you to be codependent, Zack," she said.

"You and I both know that you couldn't keep your hands off me when we first meet." He winked at her. She screwed up her face, trying not to smile. He was an idiot but he was her idiot, but smiling felt wrong. Smiling, laughing, just not feeling on edge made her feel guilty. How dare she have a moment of normalcy when there was a threat hovering over those she cared about? That bit of anxiety came back with a vengeance, eating at her soul for not worrying 24/7. Her face went back to that scowling look she almost always had. She turned the combination on her locker.

"Anyway," Zack began picking at his fingernails, "Kimberly found out, and by found I mean I told her you weren't coming to prom." A couple books that she just haphazardly shoved into her locker yesterday fell at her feet, the binders and textbooks opening and scattering papers across her little section of the hallway. "Oh Jesus Christ!" she growled. Several people went around the mess as they went on their normal lives, while most just stepped right over it, no one bothering to help. She wanted to scream, but being inside a school where almost everyone thought she's weird was most definitely not the place to do it. Zack bent down to pick up a notebook, handing it back to her as he turned his attention back to the rest of the mess. "She has threatened kidnapping if you don't show up. She bought you a ticket and everything."

Trini nearly dropped the notebook. "She what?!" A couple people turned to see her completely frozen.

Zack shoved the remaining textbooks into the locker, closing it with a loud slam. He winced. "Sorry, that may come off it's hinges sooner or later." He glanced at the row of decrepit lockers. "Probably sooner."

She slapped his side. She really wanted to throw him across the hall. It was easy, she did it often. But for this moment a simple slap was all she could do. "Don't change the subject." She grabbed his shirt, pulling him down to her level. It's hard to be intimidating when you're a whole head shorter, but Trini managed, Zack's eyes growing wide in absolute terror. "She did what?"

"She bought you a ticket to prom. Please let me go. I don't want to die."

She released his shirt, eyes still locked. "Did you say anything? Did you try to stop her? Did you just watch like a useless idiot?"

"What is the correct answer so I don't get hit?" She balled her hand into a fist. "I told her you wouldn't like it and she told me you'll get over it please don't hurt me!" Zack flinched away, closing his eyes as tight as he could.

"Did she really get me a ticket?"

He slowly opened his eyes, noticing that Trini had relaxed a bit. "Yeah. It's our last bit of 'fun' before we graduate... and they leave."

She sighed, "Do you really want me to go?" She glanced up at him, his eyes brightening like a kid on Christmas. He nodded vigorously. "I'll think about it."

"Awesome!" He raise his hand for a high five. She obliged, though rolling her eyes. "Gonna fucking wreck the place."

"Yeah sure."

 _Oh fuck_. It was nearly time for biology. Her stomach fluttered in excitement. Was Kimberly buying the ticket her way of asking her out? _No, she's just giving me an incentive to go. She knows I'm not going to waste her money._ She shoved the little bit of hope into a pit of reasonable, not lovey dovey feelings. But still, she could still hear that little trash gremlin in her soul called hope calling:  _But what if?_

She made it to class by the skin of her teeth, the bell ringing as she stepped inside. Kimberly took her usual seat in the front, Trini walked past her to the back. She felt a hand quickly slip something into her own. Sure enough it was a ticket, the time, date, and theme printed in bold font.

 _Space. This fucking prom is space themed._ She resisted the not-so-surprisingly strong desire to crumple the ticket in her hand, but rather placed it in the pocket of her backpack. Their teacher began writing on the board, discussing the different classifications, and Trini stared at the back of Kimberly's head, silently willing her to turn around, even if it was just for a second of eye contact. Kimberly didn't. She just scribbled notes down, seemingly unaware of Trini.

The bell rang, not as soon as Trini would've liked but it rang nonetheless. Kimberly waited for her outside the door, grabbing her hand as she exited the classroom. Trini gulped, noticing the warmth radiating from Kim's hand. She left go, letting her arm fall for her side. "Are you going now?" Kimberly asked, eyebrow cocked. "I figured a ticket wouldn't hurt."

Trini's mouth went dry as all the words she wanted to say left.

"Please say yes, it's gonna be fun. I can pick you up and we can get ready at my place so you won't be bothered by your mom." She smiled. "And Zack made me promised I'd go to laser tag with him and the boys beforehand." She nudged Trini with her elbow. "And we make a good team."

"Are you asking me out?"

_WHY_

_DO_

_I_

_ASK_

_THESE  
_

_QUESTIONS_

_???_

_WHY_

_DO_

_I_

_HAVE_

_NO_

_IMPULSE_

_CONTROL_

_?!?!?_

Kimberly laughed. "In a way, yes, I am. I just wanted to have one last hooray at school before the rest of us graduate."

And there was that sinking feeling that Trini had dreaded. Self-hatred reared its ugly head, pouncing at her at the moment of vulnerability. "Yeah, I figured," she said, doing everything in her power to keep her voice even. "So next Saturday?"

Kim nodded. "I'll pick you up a couple hours before the dance, if that's alright with you?"

Trini wanted to end the conversation as quickly and as not-awkwardly as possible. She swallowed a bit of sadness down, trying to maintain the "oh yeah I'm not disappointed a bit heartbroken but it isn't your fault I'm just a whole ass idiot" mask she wore currently.

"Alright, next Saturday then." Kimberly began walking away, before turning back around. "Do you need a ride home?"

"Oh, uh, no I'm just gonna walk. It's nice out."

"Oh." Kimberly went quiet for a moment before saying. "Well, have fun."

The second Kimberly was out of sight, a single tear fell down her cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her sleeve, trying to keep her eyes from going red and puffy should anyone else see her.

_Maybe that's the last tear. Maybe I don't have any left to cry._


	12. Research

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have two super soft boys having a moment in the ship. My first time writing mlm and writing an autistic character, so please, if there is anything I can do better please let me know. Enjoy the update  
> \- Andi

Jason clapped Billy's shoulder. "Zack and Kimberly are training in the pit, Alpha-5 is working on your lance. I have fifthteen minutes. Where are we on the Trini situation?"

Normally contact like that would make him uncomfortable, making him feel like jumping out of his skin. But for a while, this casual contact has become more and more welcomed. Not that it still didn't feel uncomfortable, but easily recognized, it was Jason and he had given Jason permission to touch him. It just took a little bit of brain power to not freak out a bit. He gulped, preparing the debrief. He pulled up an image on the ship's matrix. It was Rita, gold and green armor under the red of a foreign sun. "Zordon had mentioned that Rita has a way make people highly suggestible to her will. It isn't mind control more than it is suggestion. I think it has to do with her corruption to the morphing grid." Billy looked at Jason, his eyes intently staring at the image, anger? Determination? Billy didn't know, but he copied his expression, returning to his research. "We don't have a green ranger, or a green power coin. This was the first rangers' ship. It stands to reason that she's still connected to the morphing grid." He swallowed. "With us..."

"But why Trini?" Jason glanced at Billy.

"Alpha-5 had an idea." Another picture came up on the matrix, the scratches on Trini's neck and chest, right when they were still fresh. Just before he died. Jason grimaced, grabbing Billy's hand. His stomach felt like it flipped around. Billy pulled away to show a picture of the yellow ranger's armor rather than her wounds. "It thought that perhaps that by creating a trauma, both physical and emotional," he stammered through his words a bit, "she created a stronger mental connection with Trini than with us."

"And the torture?"

Billy nodded, switching the image of Zordon's team, no masks on. He felt a little giddy, he knew he shouldn't feel like that, but it was exciting to learn about their powers. "Zordon said that as we grew as a team, we'd be able to share not only feelings, like we do now, but actual images and pain."

Jason sat down on the steps of the deck, head on his hands. "He didn't tell me about that." He looked at the wall, perhaps waiting for Zordon to pop out or maybe to not look at the morphing grid. Staring into it made Billy's head spin sometimes.

Billy felt guilty, looking down at his shoes and playing with the strings of his hoodie. "He didn't want you to get too excited and push yourself too hard to figure it out." Jason slapped the floor next to him, the sound of metal compressing and crumpling under his hand making Billy jump, wincing.

"Sorry, Billy," Jason apologized immediately, lifting his hand from the new dent in the floor and flexing her fingers. "Sit with me?" He put his head into his hands. "Please, if that's okay?"

Billy nodded, sitting on the step under the one Jason sat. "It's more than just the Trini thing, right?"

"Yes, and thanks for sitting with me." He nudged the blue ranger's shoulder with his own. "I appreciate it." He sighed. "You're right, it's more than just Trini. My dad has been on my ass about college for a while, and while I have been working on scholarships there isn't much for an ex-football player with slightly above average grades. With my dad's salary, it's a little impossible to pay unless I go into insane debt."

"If you stay home for a year, and get a job, you could potentially earn enough money for community college and you could get your associate's degree."

The red ranger smiled, shaking his head. He hestaintly placed a hand on Billy's shoulder. A bit of warmth spread through his chest, and a hiccup caught in his chest. The warmth was strongest where Jason touched him. "Thank you." He squeezed gently, slowly letting his arm fall back. "What would I do without you?"

"I don't know, probably still be in that ankle monitor."

Jason laughed, the first genuine one in weeks, and Billy felt something stir in his chest again.  _Maybe I'm getting sick_ , he thought. "Maybe." He shook his head, light brown curls flopping into his eyes. "I don't know, man. I just know I wouldn't be here."

"Neither would I."

Jason's body got tight as he quickly withdrew with arm from behind Billy. "I would've died without you," Billy explained. "I probably wouldn't have gotten out of the mine alive that first night. I might've gotten into an accident if you didn't drive me there in the first place, because I got it in my stupid brain I was going no matter what."  _Where was this all coming from?_ He wanted to stop himself, he knew he was infodumping, but it felt good to let it go. And for once no one was telling him to be quiet, or more commonly to shut up. "I would've stayed dead if you didn't open the morphing grid." Jason's arms were wrapped around his knees, eyes closed and listening quietly. His lips trembled. "I know I died, Jason. I died." He grabbed one of Jason's hands.  _Oh shit._ Jason drew in a quick breath, but slowly his fingers curled around Billy's. "But you brought me back. I mean, the rest of the team helped too, but you didn't want to give u-"

"Can I kiss you?"

The whole world seemed to stop for a moment, and Billy could only hear the steady beat of his heart. A million thoughts buzzed through his head, only a hundred more than usual. He managed a shaky, "Please, I mean, I'd- I want, ye-"

Jason leaned in, cutting him off with a chaste kiss, his eyes closed and their fingers still interlocked. "Is that okay?" he asked. Billy could feel him shaking. "I didn't know how comfortable you'd be with kissing and you said yes, but did that feel okay?"

Billy kissed him this time, Jason sighing contently when they stopped. "I'm autistic, not asexual, Jason."

"I know, but I thought maybe we should go slow." He raked his hand through his hair. "And you brought up the fact you fucking died, and this whole thing with Trini, and I thought that maybe I wouldn't have a chance to kiss you if I waited."

"Okay."

"And I want to go to prom with you."

"Okay. I didn't buy a ticket though, I was going to keep working on blocking Rita from the morphing grid."

"And I want to be your boyfriend."

"Okay. I have to tell my mom."

"And I want to kiss you again."

"Jason, I'm going to tell you something many people have told me in my life, very wise words."

"What is it, Billy?"

"Please, shut up."


	13. Detention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to get better at updating. :/  
> Just got back from my first year of college. What a fucking trip, my dudes. I know I make this promise every few months, but hopefully I'll write more.
> 
> As of 05/23, it's been a year since I started this fic. Happy One Year, guys!  
> Warning: Blood mentioned

_The glow was enticing, pulsing like a bleeding heart. The green light washed everything, even her own skin. The usually silver metal of the ship was now washed in the emerald glow. She didn't immediately recognize it, but it felt as she had been there before. Five spots in front of the matrix, there should have been six. There was a rumbling, she turned as a six spot inserted itself on the grid. She walked there, instinctively planting her feet on the glowing floor. In the green and gold matrix she witnessed two warriors, one in yellow armor and the other in green._

Green seemed to be the running theme _, she thought._

_The two fought viciously, any warrior's code replaced in favor of cheap shots. Though they were both clad in armor, blood seeped from the yellow one's side. But still, they fought on. The green one produced a golden sword from thin air, the yellow one pulled out two daggers. She watched, entranced at the display of such prowess. They whirled around each other, the yellow warrior caught the sword's blade at the hilt of one of the daggers. They weren't paying attention, at the green warrior plunged a hidden blade into their stomach._

_She put her hands over her mouth in shock. Unknown words were exchanged as the yellow one fell to the ground._

_On the console of the matrix, a green coin gleamed, the source of the light._

Take it.

_"I can't."_

Yes, you can. It's so simple really. Take it.

  _"Bu-"_

But what? You aren't too weak, are you?

_"No!" She reached out to the coin. She was so close it, she could see the dragon etched into the glassy stone. In her mind's eye she could see the yellow warrior, hand out, their glove covered in blood. "But I can't kill!"_

Foolish girl. I can give you something you long for.

I can give you revenge.

_"I'm not looking for revenge."_

You aren't?

_In the matrix she could see every horrible moment in her life: teachers ripping dolls from her hands, her father forcing her into a suit and tie for a photo, her mother crying over a pile of papers, the night of the car crash, every bully pushing her around and every person that let it happened._

I can give you a chance to become stronger than them. You can be a god.

_"I was never one for gods." Even still, she picked up the coin, heat pulsing through her fingers._

You can't have its full power yet, she must give it to you. But she will. She's too weak to refuse.

_"Who?"_

You'll know.

_All there was horrible laughter in her head._

* * *

 

Tommi woke with a start, the coin in her hand, but there was no glow. She needed to find the person who has to give it to her. She curled her hand around the cold stone.

"Tommi," Her mother came into her room, watching her daughter with careful eyes. "Nightmares?" She sat by her bed.

Tommi nodded. "Nothing I can't handle." Her grip on the coin tightened, the jagged edges cutting into her skin.

"Okay, sweetie. Go back to sleep." She kissed her forehead, like she did when Tommi was younger. She closed the door on her way out.

"Nothing I can't handle now."

* * *

During detention, Kimberly had taken to studying Tommi, more like obsessing over her. Something in the pit of her stomach didn't settle right with her, something was off. It may have been her own jealousy, it may be something more. Tommi was a loner, that's for sure, all green jacket and a sarcastic attitude that reminded Kimberly of Trini, though Tommi didn't wear if half as well. No, there was something off about the way she carried herself, like she was trying too hard not to crack. 

"Take a picture, it would last longer, Hart," Tommi said. Her eyes were closed as she leaned back in her chair. "I can feel your eyes." She opened her eyes, giving Kimberly a sideways glance.

"Sorry, I was staring off into space." Kimberly tried to wave the comment off, her face flushing slightly.

Tommi gave a small chuckle. "Yeah, no, you were boring holes into my skull. Don't be embarrassed, I'm very beautiful." 

"And so humble too," Kimberly said coldly.

Trini didn't have detention this week, Zack wasn't at school enough to get a detention slip either. It was just her, Billy, and Jason, though the pair had taken the desk closest to the door, while Kimberly prefered to sit in the back. The room was noisy, the assigned teacher had stepped out of the room for a bit to take a phone call. Tommi stared at her, studying her much she had done to Tommi just moments before. "I can see why Trini likes you so much." She propped up her boots on the desk and leaned at a very sharp angle. Kim was sure she would fall at any second. Or, rather, she hoped she did.

She knew Tommi was baiting her, the opposite of the kindness Trini assured her of. While her statement was teasing, there was a sharp edge in the way she said it, and Kimberly felt the sting. Trini likes her, obviously. She's her best friend after all. But tone that Tommi used, made it seem like any affection Trini might have shown her was undeserved. It sure felt that way. She could never deserve Trini, not in the way she wanted. "What makes you say that?" she asked. Her voice sounded foreign to her, too rough, too hurt.

Tommi shrugged, still balancing in the leaning chair. "You're good," she answered. The front legs of the chair slammed down against the tile, no one seemed to notice, but Kimberly jumped at the sound. Tommi was leaning closer to her, the green of her iris becoming brighter. "You're too good. You try so hard to act like you aren't. But Trini knows. She knows that you'll do the right thing in the end. And sometimes she hates you for it, but you know that. You act like you're tough, like you're bad, so that way she'll hate you a little less." Tommi licked her lips, smirking all the while.

Kimberly had to lean away, so sure Tommi could hear the beating of her heart. The room had gone quiet, save for Tommi. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her classmates talking and laughing, but no sound was coming out, just the beating of her heart and her own rapid breathing.

"Leaking the nude? You didn't care that she sent it to Ty, you were going to break up with him regardless, you wanted to prove you weren't good."

There was a quaking in her chest, her whole body shaking and shivering. The words cut into her soul.

Tommi laughed, her voice now a little above a whisper, "You don't think you deserve anything good in your life, and you wanted to prove it so fucking badly. And you know what?"

There was a pause, a slight break in all the hurt, where Kimberly could see the same hurt behind Tommi's eyes.

"You're right, you don't deserve her."

The teacher came back in, saying, "You're free to go."

Everyone left as quickly as possible, a shuffle of papers and shoes squeaking against the tile. Not Kimberly, she stayed put, too shell shocked to move. Every breath hurt, like there was an added weight on her chest. She wanted to cry. She couldn't though, Jason and Billy were waiting for her outside. She stood carefully, fearful that she might fall.

What Tommi had was true, too true. She hadn't been able to verbalize it before, but now, she had someone else tell her the words. She was right, she didn't deserve Trini, and Tommi confirmed it.

* * *

The car ride to the Pit was silent, Jason making the executive decision to turn the radio on and letting any pretense of conversation pass. Kimberly watched the world whirl by through the window, wondering if her world would stop spinning. A beat up truck sat at the bottom of the quarry, Zack was already here, probably waiting for them at the top. The three climbed rather quickly, but Zack was nowhere in sight.

Billy jumped first, Jason waited until he cleared the jump.

"You alright?"

Kimberly closed her eyes tight, before opening them to give Jason a neutral expression. She was far from okay. "Yeah, just a bit tired."

He nodded. "I'll see you at the bottom." He fell back and there was a heavy splash a few seconds later.

Kimberly jumped across the chasm, easily clearing the jump. She hadn't done that in months, not since the day they first became rangers. She remembered Trini jumping first, and her chasing after her. Here was the spot she tricked her, asking for a sip of water. She looked down at the dark water below, closing her eyes, and letting her fall into the cold.

The boys were waiting for her at the bottom, Jason wringing out his shirt, and Billy changing into a dry T-shirt he had in a plastic bag. "You're going to have to remind me to do that," Jason said, pulling the still damp shirt over his head.

"The real trick is putting socks in there." Billy pulled out a pair of sock and a set of shoes. "There is nothing worse than wet socks."

"Maybe a wet wedgie," Zack joked, nudging Kimberly in the ribs.

"I don't know, ruining a perfectly good set of headphones is probably worse." Trini stood at the top of the spaceship steps. "Though a wet wedgie is probably a close second."

Jason smiled. "You sure you're ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, boss."

He glanced at the other rangers, Zack grinning like someone got him a bag of sweets and Billy doing his happy clap. Kimberly just stood there, watching Trini, trying not to let her emotions show. Trini smiled softly at her, and Kimberly's heart skipped a beat.

 _"She hates you for it._ _"_

Tommi's words still stung.

_"You're too good."_

Was she? She's hurt people more than she will truly understand, and in the process ruined her own life. But then again, she was trying to prove them wrong.

Kimberly Ann Hart wasn't perfect.

Kimberly Ann Hart screws up.

Kimberly Ann Hart is a bad person.

Is she?

If she is bad, what drove her to continue the uphill battle that is being a Power Ranger? A few cliche answers popped into her head, to protect, to make up for past mistakes, as penance, but in her heart she knew. The answer was always because she has too little to gain and too much to lose.


	14. Revelations

They skittered around each other, neither girl maintaining eye contact for every long. Trini a hand on her chest, her scars stinging lightly. Jason gave her a look, raising an eyebrow, but she waved him off. She sparred with Billy, Alpha-5 calling out moves and counters to them as they danced around the Pit. Billy easily got the better of her, sweeping her feet out from under. She hit the ground hard, the back of her head smacking against the stone. Billy extended a hand towards her, helping her to her feet.

"We should go get you some ice," he said.

"I'm fine." She tried shaking him off, but Zack put a hand on her shoulder.

"He's right, T, plus we can grab some water. Come on." Trini glanced between the two boys, with her eyes finally flicking towards Kimberly for a second before staring at the floor.

"Fine. Five minute break, but then I'm kicking your ass." She nudge her rib 

Zack laughed, dragging both her and Billy to the medbay, "I'd be worried if you didn't threaten to hand my ass to me."

"It's a fucking promise, Taylor. and you know it."

Jason nodded at Billy as he followed behind Zack. He sat on the ground, throwing a small stone across the Pit. "Do you think that she'd actually take care of herself if we weren't around?"

Kimberly bit her inner cheek. "Probably doesn't think she deserves it." She took the spot next to Jason, grabbing a stone off the ground and weighing it in her hand.

He took a sip of water from his bottle. "Well you two deserve each other." Kim gave him a sideways glance. "You both want to help the other but don't accept help when it's given to you," he noted.

"Don't make this about me, Jason." The stone turned to dust in her hand as she gritted her teeth. "It's not the same and you know it."

 "I don't know, Kimberly, all I see are two friends suffering in silence and refusing any help that comes their way."

"Yeah, well, I'm handling it."

"Are you?"

"Drop it." Kimberly's voice was cold and sharp.

He tried so hard with her, but the fact she kept refusing to see frustrated him. There wasn't much he could do, he knew that.  _You can't help someone who doesn't want it._ He grimaced, nodding slightly. "When this thing with Trini is officially resolved, you promise me we'll figure this," he gestured up and down her body, "out. Deal?" He extended his hand toward her. They shook on it.

Zack and Trini walked back, both clutching a bottle of water. Trini had an ice pack pressed against the back of her head. "Where's Billy?" Jason asked, coming to his feet.

"Alpha-5 found an energy signature similar to our power coins in town. It wanted Billy to look into it on the matrix to see if it could be the green power coin."

Trini shifted from side to side, looking down as Zack spoke. She looked up at Kimberly, scowling briefly before looking away.

"Alright, Kimberly, help Trini with the disarming technique Alpha taught us." Kimberly wanted to argue. Being in the same room was Trini seemed torturous. Jason gave her a look that surely meant if she tried to argue the point it wouldn't end well. She back down, grabbing a staff from the weapons rack, tossing it to Trini. "Is Billy in the morphing grid?"

"No, Alpha took him underneath it. Said he might be able to amplify the signal and get the person to morph on the grid in the ship."

"I'm going to go talk to Zordon. Does Billy need any help?"

Zack shrugged. "I can go check."

The two walked off.

Kimberly weighed the staff in her hand, feeling the smooth on her palm. Trini tossed the ice pack next to her bag, awkwardly holding the staff in her hand.

"So, this is what I missed," she deadpanned. The quarterstaff was taller than her by a foot, the way she was holding it made her look clumsy.

"It's not too hard." Kimberly got into a fighting stance, holding the staff closer to the end. "You're a fast learner."

And they fought in a whirlwind of blows, the sound of wood hitting wood surrounding them. Trini was fast, able to dodge most attacks coming her way even without the small amount of training the other rangers received. But Kimberly was faster, managing to pull the staff out of Trini's hands, it clattering to the ground. She held her quarterstaff up back into her starting stance.

"Take it from me," Kimberly challenged. Trini moved for her own fallen staff as Kimberly took a swing, hitting her in the side. "If you want a weapon, you're going to have to take it."

There was an intensity to Trini's expression that Kimberly hadn't seen before, a mix of anger and hurt. Her moves where wild, reckless even, leaving Kimberly with easy openings to hit it. If she hadn't known better, she'd say it had been intentional. Occasionally, she was meet with a kick or a fist, but she managed to keep Trini away with well placed side steps dodges, rarely using the quarterstaff to maintain a good distance. Trini fought with blind haymaker after blind haymaker, only to watch the pink ranger dodge her flurry of blows. She was panting, tired and exhausting and yet still gaining no ground in disarming Kimberly. Then, like a tiger, she pounced, throwing her whole body into her adversary, grabbing the staff with both hands, pushing Kimberly to the ground, and tearing the staff from her grip. She flipped back onto her feet, holding the staff to Kimberly's neck. A moment their eyes meet, and for a second they both wondered if Trini had it in her to land a finishing blow.

Instead, she threw the staff to the ground, and sat on the ground next to Kimberly, both spent from the short but intense spar. She pushed her hair out of her face as Kimberly sat up, holding her wrist.

"Good job," she said, ending the ever growing awkward silence.

"Thanks," Trini responded. "Is your wrist okay?"

Kimberly nodded, clenching and unclenching her fist. "Just landed on it weird. It's not sprained though. And your side?"

She stood, wincing as she did. Lifting up her shirt, away from Kimberly, she examined the damage, a bruise already forming under her ribs. It was going to hurt like hell the next day, but would be manageable. "I'm fine."

"Are you?" Kimberly asked softly. She didn't mean to say it allowed, but there it was, the two word phrase hanging in the air.

"I am," Trini stated, she voice like the edge of a blade.

Kimberly closed her eyes tight, taking a deep breath before opening them again. "I was just wondering." She stood, careful not to put too much weight on her injured hand as she did. "You've just been so distant, and this is your first time back since..."  she trailed off.

"Since Rita. I know, Kim, I was there." Trini put a little more space between them, it was too much right now. "I've been keeping my distance because I care about you guys, as hard as that may be hard to be."

"You didn't seem to care when we were concerned for you."

Trini stared at her, eyes wide in shock and anger. In that moment Kimberly wanted to take it all back, so badly did she want to rewind the clock. She moved closer, trying to apologize.

"I do care! I fucking care! Is that what you wanted to hear?!" Trini screamed. Her whole body shook as the words left her mouth. Her voice echoed off the walls of the Pit. Every emotion she had been holding for the last few months poured out, completely unfiltered. The hurt, the anger, the anxiety, the _oh god please look at me_ was coming out in rage filled words. "Do you want to hear that the thought of losing you was worse than losing Billy? Or that you drive me fucking insane? That you were the first person to fucking notice me, and when you did I finally felt like I could breathe?!" She pushed her friend back, trying to put some distance between them. "God _damn_ you for saying I don't fucking care. You don't get it." She was crying now, more out of fear than anger. The tightness in her chest that had could inside her had let go, leaving her hollow and empty. The last words slipped out quietly, she wasn't sure if Kim could hear. "I care and I'm too fucking selfish."

Her head was bowed as she chuckled softly, though it was hollow and void of emotion. She glance up at Kimberly, eyes wet with tears. "The things I've done for you...you wouldn't even begin to understand."

"Then help me understand. I thought we were," her voice cracked, "I thought we were friends."

"I don't want to be friends."

"Oh." The air left her lungs, everything felt tight and wrong. She studied the floor blinking back tears. 

"I don't want to be just friends, Kimberly."

The pink ranger drew closer. "I don't get-"

"I know you don't." She shrugged her off, keeping her eyes trained towards the ground, holding herself. "Don't! Don't touch me." She grabbed her bag from the floor, wiping her face. "I have to go."

 


End file.
